Humorous Movies

What are some good funny books for a 7-year old boy to read? Looking for recommendations. Beginning reader - level(s) 2-3. The kid has a great sense of humor but is a lot more interested in video games than reading. Do you have any advice for good books that would get him engaged? He is very positive and funny; I think he would appreciate humorous books. Thank you! I should add that he loved Mo Willems books (esp. Elephant & Piggie series) when he was in kindergarten, but he is a little too old for them now.

Category: Humor? 7. Category: Humor MsgTitle: Banned from Wal-Mart (Thu 12-06-07 08:12) MessageText: This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcemen! t came o ver the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least ... 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart

What are 7 pin S-video cables for as opposed to 4 pin? My video card has a 7 pin receptacle on it's s-video jack and my TV has a 4 pin jack on it's S-video jack. What are the 7 pins for and if I don't know, is it just wasted on me? Does it give any better quality video? If my TV only has 4 pins would 7 coming from the puter be silly. Plus, I've currently got a 4 pin (both ends) S video cable connecting the video card to the TV. I can't get a DVD to play to the TV, only the Windows environment. I've tried lowering the resolution of the TV settings but no help. I notice another suggestion to lower resolution of the monitor... ??? In case you're wondering why I'd play a DVD on the puter instead of the DVD player, it's because it's a PAL DVD that only plays B&W on the NTSC DVD player, but in color on the puter. I knowwwww I need a new DVD player that plays PAL. But please humor me.

Everyone wants to be in my videos! WHAT SHOULD I DO? I'm saving up to get a camera, microphone and all the cinematography equipment I need. I'm studying how to write a script, acting, and camera angles. Me and 2 friends are making a YouTube channel and we're trying to make it good. Us 3 have voices that can be taken seriously, but all my friends and my brother want to be in our vlogs and sketches. For sure, group vlogs should never have more than 3 vloggers, so I'm not having extra friends in those. Also my other friends have voices lime Justin beiber's or higher. So outr sketches won't be taken seriously. My friends will think I'm being a jerk when I don't let them be in a sketch. I now have to write scripts for 7 or more characters. The sketches would be confusing then. I hope all this made sense thanks in advance don't mention that college humor has tons of people in their videos don't say "you're taking it too seriously. Just have fun." we will have fun. Just not with all my friends not following directions. If they really wanna be in the video, they wouldn't good off oh yeah, and my other friends can't act My goal isn't necessarily to become famous, it's just to make good videos. Plus I can't afford to pay my actors. I need a good answer

what about this old one have i posted it before Police Humor ? So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor. The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country: 14 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." 13 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 12 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 11 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun." 10 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" 9 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" 8 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!." 6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." 4 "Just how big were those two beers?" 3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." 2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." 1 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

Am I loosing my sense of humor? When I was in the grades of 3-5, I was the funniest guy that my friends and relatives knew of, and I had tons of friends. Me and my cousin would have great times making halarious videos, and showing them to our family. In grade 6, I switched over to another school, and I became the "quiet guy" at my school, since I didnt know anyone. In grade 7, It all changed, and I became very popular, and funny once again. In grade 8-9, It changed once again, and I became the "quiet guy" again. Now, I have almost no friends, and hardly ever laugh, and the last time my cousin came over, I only cracked about 1 joke... and it wasnt even funny at all.... Am I loosing my sense of humor? If so, why? What can I do?

My ex-husband is texting adult videos and images to our 14 year old son -- please advise.? What should I do? I mean, its obvious that I need to tell him to stop doing this, but I am pretty sure that he will react by scolding our son. ( I can hear him yelling, "Why didn't you delete it so your mom wouldn't find it?!!!) One of the adult things was showing a man and woman completely naked, and she bends down to spread his buttock cheeks so that she can lick him, but the man expells gas instead and she screams "you A-hole!" My son is 14. And even if he was 18, isn't that kind of humor more for your peers and not to share with your children? I am also pretty sure my ex-husband will say to me, "Why are you going through our son's phone texts? Have respect for his privacy!" As a parent, did I violate my son's privacy by browsing through his phone? I am so angry -- what do I do? I am even thinking of bringing this up with the judge (we will be in court in a few months because of ex not paying child support for 7 months -- not one penny). Would this be too extreme? The only reason I would do this is because my ex has no respect for my parenting-philosophy regarding adult material. I still resent how my other son (now 17) has to learn about sex for the first time via porn when he was only six years old. (Ex had forgot to take out XXX video from family VCR.)

Why did the mainstream media ignore these stories? I thought the media's job is to be a watchdog and let people know what's going on, especially with the government. Why did it ignore these stories? I got this from Foxnews and I know people say they are biased, so is there any reason why the media ignored these stories? 1. Van Jones: A former self-avowed Marxist and anarchist, Jones signed a 2004 petition that suggested the U.S. government was involved in the Sept 11. terrorist attacks. 2. ACORN tapes: new videos emerged almost daily about the group with ties to Obama helping 13 year old prostitutes and buying votes 3. John Holdren: Obama's science czar floated a number of lethal policies to shrink the human population -- including compulsory abortions and other Draconian measures -- in science textbooks he published in the 1970s 4. Climate-Gate: people promoting global warming destroyed and altered data and complained about being wrong 5. NEA wanted to start promoting Obama's agenda through art 6. Tea Party Protests: The Tea Party movement grew to include massive protests, as tens of thousands of Americans joined in on Tax Day. After utterly ignoring the movement for weeks, the mainstream media finally caught up to the story, but mostly used their coverage as an occasion for sexual puns and frathouse humor. 7. Kevin Jennings: safe school czar. former schoolteacher who advocated promoting homosexuality in schools and was forced to admit he had poorly handled an incident in which a student told him he was having sex with older men. Jennings has since been tied to a pornographic suggested reading list for 7th graders that was designed by the organization he founded and directed for over a decade, and dozens of members of Congress have called for his ouster. 8. Democratic areas got 2x as republican ones even when controlling for economic conditions.

Mark Twain Questions? Question 1 (True/False Worth 5 points) "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" is an example of a tall tale, a distinctly American genre. True False Question 2 (True/False Worth 5 points) Smiley bets the frog can out jump any frog in the state of California. True False Question 3 (True/False Worth 5 points) The incident involving the strattlebug is a good example of humor through exaggeration. True False Question 4 (True/False Worth 5 points) Twain's story presents the classic situation of the trickster who gets tricked in the end. True False Question 5 (True/False Worth 5 points) To the narrator, Simon Wheeler seems tedious and lacking in a sense of humor. True False Question 6 (True/False Worth 5 points) The most notable characteristic of Jim Smiley is gullibility. True False Question 7 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The humor of "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" is enhanced by all of the following EXCEPT: comic similes vivid colloquialisms grammatical errors irreverence for upperclass culture Question 8 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) It is believed Mark Twain abandoned the manuscript of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for: two years three years ten years fifteen years Question 9 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The video on Huck Finn and Mark Twain refers to the character of Tom Sawyer. Tom is known as the: adventurous one innovative one smart one clever child Question 10 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Characteristics of the story that link it with the tall-tale tradition are: skill of the yarn-spinner, extra-ordinary characters, and exaggeration talking animals, complex plot, and uncomplicated story-teller allusion to historical events and superhuman characters colorful language, straitforward narration, and characters capable of human emotion Question 11 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The novel mostly takes place on: the Ohio River the Mississippi River the Hudson River the Savannah River Question 12 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The stranger: steps on Smiley's frog attaches Smiley's frog to the ground with a hook. fills his own frog with helium. fills Smiley's frog with quail shot. Question 13 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) According to the video, Huck lives with whom at the beginning of the novel? Miss Wastson and the Widow Douglass Judge Thatcher and his wife Pap Jim Question 14 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The narrator contributes to the humor of the selection because: his deadpan delivery is in absurd contrast with the story. he doesn't care if his audience goes or stays. he tells jokes during dead moments of the story. he mimics the different animals described. Question 15 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley trains the frog by: making it jump after flies prodding it with a sharp wire making it jump into an orange carton rewarding it with worms Question 16 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Pap is Huck's drunken father who represents: discrimination and folly ignorance and hate juxtaposition and loathing darkness and decay

Mark Twain? 5.06 Twain Warning: There is a checkbox at the bottom of the exam form that you MUST check prior to submitting this exam. Failure to do so may cause your work to be lost. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 1 (True/False Worth 5 points) The line "He ketched a frog one day, and took him home, and said he calk'lated to edercate him" is a good example of Twain's efforts to capture the sound and flavor of oral tradition. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 2 (True/False Worth 5 points) To the narrator, Simon Wheeler seems tedious and lacking in a sense of humor. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 3 (True/False Worth 5 points) Sent by his friend, the narrator finds Simon Wheeler in the general store. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 4 (True/False Worth 5 points) Smiley would bet on anything except cows. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 5 (True/False Worth 5 points) The most notable characteristic of Jim Smiley is gullibility. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 6 (True/False Worth 5 points) "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" is an example of a tall tale, a distinctly American genre. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 7 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Pap is Huck's drunken father who represents: discrimination and folly ignorance and hate juxtaposition and loathing darkness and decay -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 8 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The humor of "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" is enhanced by all of the following EXCEPT: comic similes vivid colloquialisms grammatical errors irreverence for upperclass culture -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 9 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley's weakness is: gambling drinking cursing training animals -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 10 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Characteristics of the story that link it with the tall-tale tradition are: skill of the yarn-spinner, extra-ordinary characters, and exaggeration talking animals, complex plot, and uncomplicated story-teller allusion to historical events and superhuman characters colorful language, straitforward narration, and characters capable of human emotion -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 11 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley's "fifteen-minute nag": usually loses wins half the time usually wins dies of asthma -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 12 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, can be described as all of the following except: a satire and adventure a history that still hurts a novel about gowing up a sophisticated period piece -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 13 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The video on Huck Finn and Mark Twain refers to the character of Tom Sawyer. Tom is known as the: adventurous one innovative one smart one clever child -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 14 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The narrator of the story asks about: Jim Smiley Simon Wheeler Leonidas W. Smiley Parson Walker -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 15 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) According to the video, Huck lives with whom at the beginning of the novel? Miss Wastson and the Widow Douglass Judge Thatcher and his wife Pap Jim -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 16 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) It is believed Mark Twain abandoned the manuscript of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for: two years three years ten years fifteen years

Help Me With These Questions Please!? Warning: There is a checkbox at the bottom of the exam form that you MUST check prior to submitting this exam. Failure to do so may cause your work to be lost. Question 1 (True/False Worth 5 points) Smiley would bet on anything except cows. True False Question 2 (True/False Worth 5 points) The incident involving the strattlebug is a good example of humor through exaggeration. True False Question 3 (True/False Worth 5 points) The most notable characteristic of Jim Smiley is gullibility. True False Question 4 (True/False Worth 5 points) Smiley bets the frog can out jump any frog in the state of California. True False Question 5 (True/False Worth 5 points) The line "He ketched a frog one day, and took him home, and said he calk'lated to edercate him" is a good example of Twain's efforts to capture the sound and flavor of oral tradition. True False Question 6 (True/False Worth 5 points) Twain's story presents the classic situation of the trickster who gets tricked in the end. True False Question 7 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The narrator contributes to the humor of the selection because: his deadpan delivery is in absurd contrast with the story. he doesn't care if his audience goes or stays. he tells jokes during dead moments of the story. he mimics the different animals described. Question 8 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) It is believed Mark Twain abandoned the manuscript of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for: two years three years ten years fifteen years Question 9 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley's "fifteen-minute nag": usually loses wins half the time usually wins dies of asthma Question 10 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) According to the video, Huck lives with whom at the beginning of the novel? Miss Wastson and the Widow Douglass Judge Thatcher and his wife Pap Jim Question 11 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Mark Twain was famous for all of the following EXCEPT: bringing humor to the American novel using his journalistic experience to enhance his writing using classical allusions capturing the sounds and rhythm of American speech Question 12 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Characteristics of the story that link it with the tall-tale tradition are: skill of the yarn-spinner, extra-ordinary characters, and exaggeration talking animals, complex plot, and uncomplicated story-teller allusion to historical events and superhuman characters colorful language, straitforward narration, and characters capable of human emotion Question 13 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley's weakness is: gambling drinking cursing training animals Question 14 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The humor of "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" is enhanced by all of the following EXCEPT: comic similes vivid colloquialisms grammatical errors irreverence for upperclass culture Question 15 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Pap is Huck's drunken father who represents: discrimination and folly ignorance and hate juxtaposition and loathing darkness and decay Question 16 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, can be described as all of the following except: a satire and adventure a history that still hurts a novel about gowing up a sophisticated period piece

I really need help. Please explain what I have to do.? Ok, I have this report to do, and I am so confused. I am not asking you to DO IT FOR ME. Im asking you to EXPLAIN IT TO ME so that I can do it (: Please tell me step by step how to to do this. ___________________________________________ Here is your goal for this assignment: * Plan and give an effective speech Select one of the following speech ideas. 1. Write an introductory paragraph to your acceptance speech for the "Speaker of the Year Award." Give this introduction to your teacher or a friend to hear. 2. Interview an interesting person, asking him or her questions you have prepared in advance. Take notes of the answers, organize and summarize the interview, and relate the results of the project to your teacher or a friend. 3. Now you are ready to put the qualities of a good speaker into practice by giving an autobiographical speech. Follow this order: Select one incident from your life that would appeal to an audience of your peers. Organize all the facts or events concerning this incident into a logical sequence using the outline form as a guide: OUTLINE Title: I. Main Point: A. Subpoint: (information supporting the main point) B. Subpoint: C. Subpoint: II. Main Point: A. Subpoint B. Subpoint: C. Subpoint: Modify this outline framework to meet the needs of your topic. Your subject may have from two to four main points and from two to five subpoints under each main point (but having a total of more than about 10 points will weaken your speech). You must have at least two subpoints for each main point. Practice giving your speech in front of a mirror or with a partner. If you are able, have someone video tape your speech so that you can also evaluate it according to the points listed below. Have your teacher or a friend evaluate your speech using the following points. Did the speaker: 1. Know the subject? 2. Show enthusiasm? 3. Use meaningful gestures? 4. Use a pleasant, expressive voice? 5. Set a pleasing pace? 6. Speak clearly? 7. Use humor carefully? Comments:

For guys only: Do you think I'm cool and would you befriend me? (I'm a guy too)? I'm tired of people not liking me...I just wanna know what do you all think? 1. Dress cool; not thuggish; I dont sag 2. I dont try to act thuggish 3. I like to draw in sketchbook 4. I like watching basketball/football...I talk about it sometimes 5. I start conversations; socialize 6. I talk about interesting things (music/movies/sports/video games/current events) 7. Have a sense of humor; very funny 8. I can do impersonations of other people and famous stars 9. I love 80s music; I also like all kinds esp.hip hop like Pete Rock, Outkast, Biggie, The Roots,Grandmaster Flashetc...I also dig the funk/rock & roll scene: James Brown, JBs, Hendrix 10. Listen to sports/talk radio AM 11. I'm a homebody; but I sometimes go to bars 12. Watch movies 13. I drink, but don't smoke 14. I dont hate on other guys; I'm not jealous 15. I talk to girls/ flirt with them from time to time 16. Real, down to earth 17. Not a snitch, wont tell 18. Dont worry about stuff 19. Curses sometimes 20. Confident, not shy 21. I work out; lift weights 22. My first time was with an older woman in her 30s (I was in my very early 20s) 23. Have an old 60s stereo record player; I collect vinyl; but I also have new turntables, and CD turntables 24. I like to pull pranks; fool people (esp.on April Fools) 25. Wear headphones; I'm always listening to music

How Cool Was MJ?????????????? How Cool Was MJ?????????????????? He was just the epitome of cool, his style in clothes, his dance moves,his music videos, his voice, his sense of humor, all the celebrities imitate him, every celeb who has met him was thrilled about it, he was just an overall cool person. I hope his children can keep their memories of him close with them, its a shame his fans have known him for decade but, his children have only known their daddy for 12,11, and 7 years! How can they call him wacko jacko?? Geez I hate that... MJ was the coolest always, he never stoped, even until and after his death.

Can someone help me with this quiz? Question 1 (True/False Worth 5 points) Sent by his friend, the narrator finds Simon Wheeler in the general store. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 2 (True/False Worth 5 points) The most notable characteristic of Jim Smiley is gullibility. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 3 (True/False Worth 5 points) Smiley's frog is named Andrew Jackson. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 4 (True/False Worth 5 points) Twain's story presents the classic situation of the trickster who gets tricked in the end. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 5 (True/False Worth 5 points) "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" is an example of a tall tale, a distinctly American genre. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 6 (True/False Worth 5 points) Smiley bets the frog can out jump any frog in the state of California. True False -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 7 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley's "fifteen-minute nag": usually loses wins half the time usually wins dies of asthma -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 8 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) According to the video, Huck lives with whom at the beginning of the novel? Miss Wastson and the Widow Douglass Judge Thatcher and his wife Pap Jim -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 9 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, can be described as all of the following except: a satire and adventure a history that still hurts a novel about gowing up a sophisticated period piece -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 10 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Characteristics of the story that link it with the tall-tale tradition are: skill of the yarn-spinner, extra-ordinary characters, and exaggeration talking animals, complex plot, and uncomplicated story-teller allusion to historical events and superhuman characters colorful language, straitforward narration, and characters capable of human emotion -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 11 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Mark Twain was famous for all of the following EXCEPT: bringing humor to the American novel using his journalistic experience to enhance his writing using classical allusions capturing the sounds and rhythm of American speech -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 12 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The narrator contributes to the humor of the selection because: his deadpan delivery is in absurd contrast with the story. he doesn't care if his audience goes or stays. he tells jokes during dead moments of the story. he mimics the different animals described. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 13 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The novel mostly takes place on: the Ohio River the Mississippi River the Hudson River the Savannah River -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 14 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The stranger: steps on Smiley's frog attaches Smiley's frog to the ground with a hook. fills his own frog with helium. fills Smiley's frog with quail shot. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 15 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) The video on Huck Finn and Mark Twain refers to the character of Tom Sawyer. Tom is known as the: adventurous one innovative one smart one clever child -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question 16 (Multiple Choice Worth 7 points) Smiley's weakness is: gambling drinking cursing training animals

Hey you all....would you call this a "cool guy"? 1. Reads magazines while listening to his mp3 player 2. Watches sports 3. Plays video games 4. Likes to write & draw (he's taking a drawing course now) 5. He drinks but dont smoke 6. He's very funny, has a sense of humor, does imitations 7. Shoots pool 8. Shops for music (Hes an aspiring dj) 9. He's real, down to earth 10. He doesnt like to work; hate his job; once lied and told his manager he had to be at a meeting at his other job, but he really just needed a day off 11. Stays up all night 12. Sometimes order pizza 13. Goes to bars 14. He doesnt like todays rap 15. He listens to underground hip hop 16. He listens to talk radio/sports radio 17. He's good at keeping secrets; doesnt snitch 18. Plays good music at home 19. Uses 70s slang like "Right on" "You got it" "Brother" 20. Dresses well 21. Doesnt sag or dress like a thug 22. Watches cool movies 23. Doesnt care what people think of him 24. Tells interesting stories Well? Isnt this guy "cool" or what? THE OTHER QUESTION: I want to talk more, but I dont know what to talk about. Do you think its wise to search through Yahooanswers.com to find stuff to talk about? To keep the gab moving? Please answer both questions. Thank you.

Honestly, do pedophiles and idiots make up 50% of youtube? Okay, Seriously, I've just realized the sad truth of youtube and the massive fail of the internet. So, you look on the most subscribed page and see fred at the top. Ok, I think hes kinda dumb but at least its humor. Everything else is decent. The problems occur when you go farther on. How the HELL do people like supermac18 or boxxy get 180K/70K subscribers? I believe I once heard a quote that went something like this "The only reason supermac18 has so many subscribers is because his dad markets those pouty wet lips to pedophiles" which is my only logical explanation. The videos are random trash that thousands of others on youtube have made, the difference is the subject looks like a girl and has a good camera. WTF? Then theres boxxy, who has 3 videos, all rated 4 star or below, made 7 months ago, yet they've got millions of hits, spawned countless remixes, and got her 70,000 subscribers. For what? Acting like she's on crack? All that she's done that's special is look like a particularly trampy tramp. Anyway, what do you guys think?

What Police officers actually say? My dad works in the police force and got me this, hope u enjoy it So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor. The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country: #14 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." #13 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." #12 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." #11 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun." #10 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" #9 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" #8 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!." #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." #4 "Just how big were those two beers?" #3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." #1 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" do u like it? ( i know its not a joke, but i find it funny)

chrisjoker xxx funny or true xxxx? 20> Has started ordering his Shirley Temples with an olive instead of a cherry. 19> That once-cool full-back tattoo of Jacko moonwalking seems dated. 18> "Oh, yeah? Well, when I was young, we didn't have amateur video webcams with free p**nography! We had to steal Dad's Pl*yboys from his closet!" 17> His 13-year-old humor list wants the keys to the car, the phone rings non-stop and #7 wants to know if he can get a tattoo. 16> Screams "Get a haircut, hippie!" every time Justin Timberl*ke is on TV. 15> Then: s*x, dr*gs and rock and roll. Now: MILF p*rn, Viagra and Y*nni. 14> Getting out of bed produces more pops, creaks and groans than an antique schooner made of Rice Crispies. 13> Suddenly feels extra-p*rvy when w*nking to Lindsay Lohan pix. 12> Now needs a Clapper to raise the head of his Craftmatic bed so he can make sure nobody's messing with his Rascal at night. 11> Monthly shipment of "Girls Gone Wild" videos now comes with Surgeon General's warning. 1 10> With each passing day, Sophia Loren looks hotter and hotter. 9> Thirty years removed from high-school Spanish class, a trip to Costa Rica for a quick lipo and bum lift resulted in man-boob augmentation surgery. 8> Last year, had more hemorrhoids than drunken hookups. 7> Has a cameo in Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" -- as a threatening source of methane. 6> Was secretly ecstatic when the birthday str*pper canceled and everyone ended up watching reruns of "Simon and Simon." 5> It's a b*tch finding dentures with a built-in grill. 4> Every morning, the same damn IM from gr1mR34pr: "How r u feeling 2day?" 3> His Depends make his Speedo lumpy in all the wrong places. 2> When he runs out of lube to use with his l**e doll, it seems more like a woman his age. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Way Chris Is Feeling His Mortality... 1> These days when the h**ker unzips his p*nts and reaches in, she finds his navel. Copyright by Chrisjoker .

Help me analyze this NYTimes Bob Herbert article!? Op-Ed Columnist Behind the Laughter comments (245) E-Mail Send To Phone Print Share Close By BOB HERBERT Published: October 12, 2009 Conan O’Brien has been making some pretty rough jokes about Newark, which has led to a (mostly) mock feud between the late-night host and Newark Mayor Cory Booker. Bob Herbert Readers' Comments Readers shared their thoughts on this article. Read All Comments (245) » O’Brien joked that the mayor was establishing a program to improve the health of the city’s residents, then deadpanned: “The health care program would consist of a bus ticket out of Newark.” He did a video bit in which he praised the city’s “thriving arts scene” (while showing a graffiti-scarred wall); its “four-star lodging” (shots of abandoned, gutted, rusting vehicles); and its “world-class live theater” (a peep show). He threatened to form an alliance with the mayors of nearby municipalities, thus “creating a geographic toilet seat around the city of Newark,” making it possible to flush the city down the figurative bowl. The mayor came up with his own YouTube videos in response and, believe it or not, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton weighed in at one point as a mock peace negotiator. Conan seems like a nice fellow, and I doubt that he harbors any malice toward Newark. But he and his audience are having fun taunting a city that, like many others across the U.S., is in a desperately tragic situation: poverty-stricken, run down, often unsafe, its children and teenagers in too many instances going nowhere fast. Whether it’s Newark, Detroit, parts of Chicago, South-Central Los Angeles, Camden, N.J. — take your pick — we’ve looked the other way for decades as the residents of hard-core inner-city neighborhoods struggled with overwhelming, life-threatening problems and a chronic shortage of resources, financial and otherwise. We’re having an intense national debate over whether to move ahead with nation-building in Afghanistan and to continue protecting the population in places like Kabul and Kandahar while all but ignoring the violence that is consuming the lives of boys and girls in Chicago, America’s third-largest city. Dozens of boys and girls of school-age and younger are murdered in Chicago every year. One hundred were killed there last year, according to the police. The blood of the young is spattered daily on the stoops, sidewalks and streets of American cities from coast to coast, and we won’t even take notice unless, *******for example, we can engage in the ghoulish delight of watching the murder played over and over again on video.******* In Newark, where some of the streets do look as bad as the scenes that were part of Conan’s comedy bit, the unemployment rate is 14.7 percent. Keeping kids in high school long enough to graduate is difficult. Drug dealing is a fallback employment option for men and boys who can’t find legitimate work. Other cities have the same problems, some to a greater degree. So what are we doing? While mulling the prospect of sending up to 40,000 additional troops to Afghanistan, we’ve stood idly by, mute as a stone, as school districts across the nation have bounced 40,000 teachers out of their jobs over the past year. That should tell you all you need to know about twisted national priorities. Even as teachers by the tens of thousands are walking the plank to unemployment, we’re learning, as The Times reported last week, that one in every 10 young male dropouts is locked up in jail or juvenile detention. As if that weren’t gruesome enough, we find that the figure for blacks is one in four. What would it take to get the perpetual crisis facing these young people onto the radar screens of the rest of America? Conan was just trying to be funny, but the reality behind his late-night humor is horrifying. In Detroit, the median sale price of a house has hovered around $8,000. Seventy percent of all murders in the Motor City go unsolved. Joblessness is off the charts. The school system is a catastrophe. I remember driving around Camden, which is right outside of Philadelphia, on a rainy afternoon. Young people with nothing to do — they had dropped out of school and had little or no chance of finding a job — were gathered on porches, saying little, staring the hours away. I had on a suit and was driving a nice car. More than one person that I approached thought I was either buying or selling drugs. The inner cities have been in a recession for decades. They’re in a depression now. Myriad issues desperately need to be addressed: employment, education, the foreclosure crisis, crime, alcohol and drug abuse, health care (including mental health treatment and counseling), child care for working parents and on and on and on. Conan’s jokes would carry a silver lining if they could somehow prompt more people to think more seriously about what’s really going on in cities like Newark. Can someone explain what He

Why is Cartoon Network promoting a Sacrilegious Agenda? Cartoon Network's programming, especially what they air late at night, seems to have a sacrilegious agenda. I base this opinion on the following shows which have a lot of imagery and/or subject matter which tend to either promote or suggest Sacrilege: 1. Metalocalypse watch this clip from the show about Black Masses and the Church of Satan - http://snackfeed.com/videos/detail/9209820c-d881-102b-a525-00304897c9c6/Church-of-Satan?_s=s 2. Moral Orel (the entire series is nothing but a forum to make fun of religious beliefs, humility and/or "moral" behavior) 3. Lucy, Daughter of the Devil 4. Rising Son - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rising_Son_(TV_series) 5. Bible Fight Game (available on their website) http://www.adultswim.com/games/game/?game=biblefight 6. Family Guy (the creator of this show clearly displays his ANTI-relgious beliefs in his shows) 7. Squidbillies (this show mocks religion frequently) The list goes on and on. It seems if you have a vile sense of humor and want to promote a "satanic" agenda, then Cartoon Network late night is your place to do it. They seem to LOVE this stuff. What do you think?

Are you a real blink-182 fan? ♫ REAL BLINK-182 FANS ©: (Created by blinkAsthenia182 on YouTube) 1. Know the names of each and every one of the members AND what instruments each of them play 2. Know how long they were together and when they broke up 3. Don't like blink-182 just cause they think one/all of the band members is/are hot 4. Freak out when they hear a blink-182 song on the radio or in a movie 5. Know what Tom believes in 6. Want them all to be best friends again, and for them to be happy (As in, not wanting them to be back together just cause they want another album) 7. Know blink-182's old name 8. Know what the number 182 means 9. Know WHY the number 182 is in their name 10. Know the name of the first drummer 11. Get pissed when someone disses them 12. Know the names of ALL the albums; INCLUDING the demos. 13. Overreact to the extreme when they see stuff related to blink-182 14. Know that they're NOT gay, and just have a sense of humor 15. Like to watch "Riding In Vans With Boys", "The Urethra Chronicles (I and II)" and "Greatest Hits" over and over again 16. Don't blame the break-up on any one of them 17. Know the names of their new bands 18. At LEAST RESPECT their new bands 19. Hate 'fans' who think that "All the Small Things" or "I Miss You" are their only good songs 20. Know more songs then just "All the Small Things" or "I Miss You" and their songs that got a lot of radio airplay 21. Would DIE if they ever got the chance to see them in concert 22. Know what songs had music videos 23. Can recite the track listings of all their albums 24. Hate when people put blink-182 as one word (blink182)or with out the "-" (blink 182) 24. Post this on their profile! =D 25. LOVE BLINK-182!

How do I deal with a Idiot of a Boss? Soo I've been working for a Recreation center for one year now.....I'm a Lifeguard....and my boss treats...not just me but all of her employees like dirt.....She always says stuff...and then we do what she says she goes back on her word and says she never said that....but 20/30 can testify that she does this.....she sits in her office and watches the security videos from the previous day if she wasn't there to make sure we are lifeguarding....I can understand that....but it's to the point where she don't trust any of us.....However....this is a weird part.....She goes to bed at 7 PM....and get's up at 3 AM and is at the Rec center before 5 AM...which is when it opens.....but she stays until like 4 in the Afternoon every day....constantly clocking in and out cause she is over on her Hours.....When there is 2 lifeguards there....and not enough ppl to have 2 guards....she tells one of us to go home....well I do that I go home early...usually bout an hour to 45 mins early because she tells me too.....then later calls me and is all pissed and asking why I left early....then I tell her that she told us to leave if there is more then one guard that is not needed.....and then she says...I didn't say that....and then says....well your asking me for these hours, but your not working them........ Every time I try to HUMOR her and do what she tells me to do....it backfires.... what do I do??

These are the reasons I think my husband doesn't love me. Opinions.? 1. He told me he married me because I'm pretty and I'm smart. 2. The first thing we're gonna buy once I start making mad money is a new sports car for him. 3. The second thing we're going to buy is some small Cs for me. (Boob job). (I say I will, but I'm against it-- I just say I will to humor him. He's serious, though) 4. When we greet each other he doesn't kiss me on the lips, just slightly off the lips, with a half hug. 5. He only wants to have sex if he's been drinking. 6. He plays video games all night. 7. He hates going to the movies with me. 8. He hates going to dinner with me. (Insists we just go to a drive-thru) 9. He will not eat dinner at the table... not even when we're at my parents. He'll make up an excuse, leave, eat somewhere else and then come back the next day. 10. He calls me fifteen times a day to ask me where I'm at and what I'm doing. There are more, but you get the hint. All this emerged after he married me.

DAMN all these BEAUTIFUL GIRLS...? Which of these attributes do you find more appealing on a beautiful girl? Which do you find the least appealing. 1.) Phenomenal Singer 2.) Can Build/fix things 3.) Amazing Artist 4.) Plays many instruments 5.) Marines (Military Star) 6.) Great at many sports 7.) Great sense of comic humor 8.) The gift of Dance 9.) A techie genius 10.) Loves video games, loves football games and fishing and hiking and is a pro at Guitar Hero Oh, the question title was just to lure in people. LAWL. ><

Is it safe if you take Protein Shakes while you play DDR for 3 hours but still maintain your lifting/diet? By now I know what your thinking, wtf for? (humor there) Anyway, I just started lifting weights around a week ago. Im begining to start off with 10 pds of weights but I will slowly increase my weight. Now, I am a good player at a video game called DDR or Dance Dance Revolution and the fact that I know Protein Shakes builds muscle. Since I move alot with dancing and all and still maintain my diet (which is to first dance for 3 hours than to lift for an half hour), is it safe for me to do all of this in a matter of hours for a person at age 17, and 5'7? P.S: The product that im about to use is called "Advant Edge Soy Protein" (vanilla)

Hey you all...would you enjoy being around this guy? 1. He's 25-26 years old 2. He listens to old school music 3. He likes to draw 4. He likes to play video games 5. He watches sports 6. He likes to do imitation, impressions of other people, famous stars 7. Has a sense of humor; he's very funny 8. He's kind of shy; he's soft spoken 9. He doesn't have a girlfriend; shy with women 10. Listens to sports/talk AM radio at night in his car 11. He's not very social; he's in his own little world 12. He doesn't think nobody likes him 13. Whenever he gets sex, he pays for it 14. He goes shop for records, CDs at record stores Well?

blonde jokes? Seven Degrees of a Blonde FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" SIXTH DEGREE Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." SEVENTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman. Description: A collection of stupid (but funny) blonde jokes. Give this clip the thumbs-up! 31 Total Views: 112,153tags: blonde, joke, fun, funny, humor Email to friends Next Video URL: Embed: Click here to send this hilarious blonde joke to your friends & family! Page 1 of 7 56 comments | Add a comment March 11, 2008 Reply to This Comment Brooklynm97 lol very funny 'specially the 3d degree... the 4th degree is stoopid=)

Are You Like Me? Pointless Survey? The person closest to my disposition/likes gets 10 points! 1. Food: Chinese or Mexican 2. Hobby: Video games or jogging 3. Vehicle: truck or car 4. Animal: Dog or cat 5. Children: love them or hate them 6. Before-bed activity: reading or TV 7. Exercise: swimming or Pilates 8. Humor: potty or sophisticated 9. Family: Very close or hate them with a passion 10. Summer activity: boating or staying inside with the AC 11. TV: cartoons or live action 12. School: english or math 13. Music: rock or hip-hop 14. Dessert: chocolate ice cream or chocolate milk with fresh strawberries 15. Store: Macys or Ross 16. Movie: blood n'guts horror (ala Friday 13th) or subtle, ghost horror like many from Japan/Korea/China? 17. Have you heard of Jan Švankmajer? What's your favorite movie of his? 18. Adult Cartoon: Family Guy or South Park 19. Clothing: casual (tee & jeans) or dressy (slacks & blouse) 20. Health: chronic illness/pain or the picture of health

Which of these video games could be created on screen? I have dreams of making video games into movies.........NOT LIKE Uwe boll....that guy pisses me off beyond belief. I would like to take a compelling, epic approach with actors that are extremely professional, but ones that no one has ever seen.....and are serious and fun about making it perfect........im a perfectionist and im taking film production in college........IDK..........some guy asked this same question i want to see what you think? 1.Half Life 2. Deus Ex 3. The Journey Man Project 4. Fallout (dark humor,dramatic but serious) 5. Metal Gear Solid 6.The Suffering 7. Beyond Good and Evil 8. Unreal Tournament (a fun action movie) 9. a remake of Doom and making it rated X. 10.Outcast 11.Thief 12.Command & Conquer or Starcraft.........I CANT DECIDE ON THIS ONE. Halo is for sure going to be made into movie BY THE TIME I become 25..........and right now im 19........ive made a few short films myself and plan on becoming a producer or a director. as for unreal........i would make it just for fun, but action packed, with all the races and ideas to make a simple but exciting plot......its a movie shooting worthwhile. no...legend of zelda should stay a game. link, zelda, mario, samus, go along the lines of video game embarkment. I wouldnt want to ruin that image and turn it into something else.

Any Ideas for a short film? At school were doing a project where everyone writes a script and one of the scrips gets chosen to be made into a short movie. (3-8 minutes) I was thinking of doing a parody of like a music video or a movie. Do you guys have any ideas. Thanks! Don't make it to complicated, I'm in 7th grade. Also, a little humor or drama would be great. I just need ideas, not whole scripts please.

Ladies, does this bad boy turn u on? Heres about 25-26 facts about him 1. He plays rap/hip hop in his car 2. He drives a nice car 3. He dresses good 4. He smells good 5. He's kind of shallow 6. He doesn't like wearing ties or tuck his shirt in 7. He speaks ebonics; talk slang 8. Every once in a while, he'd smoke a black or a blunt 9. Smokes marijuana every once in while 10. He works out; he's physcially strong 11. He curses sometimes 12. Watches sports 13. He goes to bars 14. He shoots pool 15. He plays cards 16. He drinks beer (sometimes) 17. Wears white T-shirt during hot summer days 18. Wears sunglasses when driving on hot sunny days 19. Plays violent video games 20. Has a sense of humor; very funny 21. He's real, down to earth 22. He has muscles; wears sleeveless shirts during the summer 23. Has an "I don't care" attitude 24. Wears rubberbands around his wrist 25. Playfully smacks girls on their butts (girls he know) 26. He doesn't like to work. Sometimes call in.

Guys & girls, would you think this guy is cool, different and better than most guys? Here's a list of about 25 things. 1. He shops for records & CDs; has a turntable 2. He likes to draw in sketchbook; he's really good 3. He doesn't tell his age unless somebody askes 4. Has a sense of humor, very funny 5. He sometimes drink beer 6. Watches sports 7. Talks sports 8. Has a good knowledge of music 9. Plays video games 10. Listens to AM sports/talk radio sometimes in his car at night 11. He's a good writer; writes interesting stories 12. He's single; doesn't have a girlfriend 13. He can do imitations, impressions of other people and famous stars 14. He doesn't boast or brag about his fortunes 15. He's real, down to earth 16. He doesn't sag or wear jewelry 17. He talks about interesting things 18. He speaks 70s slang "Right on" "You got it" 19. He doesn't like today's rap 20. He likes underground rap (Pete rock for instance) 21. He likes local sports (not professional) 22. He's not a snitch; wont tell; he can keep secrets 23. Wears headphones; listens to music 24. Stays up late on weekend nights; watch old school movies 25. Eats junk food (has a bad habit of that) Well, what do you think? and for the record, that guy is me LOL Honest answers please

Jericho return? SAVE.US.222? 8.2.11 SAVIOR_SELF? Results from here and there!? This was the text in the video and this is what they probably mean Save_Us.222: I know for a fact I have been seeing signs on RAW that say "Save Us Jericho", maybe WWE picked up on this and ran with it - CHAMP_HARD: Jericho was a former WWE Hardcore Champion - SMACK_BROUGHT1: Jericho was on SmackDown and on his debut, he brought the "smack" to The Rock. Also, remember back when Jericho interviewed the #1 Draft Pick from SD!, John Cena. Jericho was also brought over from RAW to SmackDown. - CD_VOLUME4_1: This might be the most significant clue, as Jericho's theme Break The Walls Down was the first track on the 4th WWE Music CD - WM00_MATCH and WM_MATCH_TRI: Jericho wrestled Benoit and Angle in the Triple Threat Match at WM - LIVEWIRE: A song by Jericho's band, Fozzy, also an old show, WWE Livewire - TALENT_PRE: Obvious, Jericho was a former WWE talent - BAT_***_WEEK: A reference to Jericho on VH1's Best Week Ever? Or a clue at Jericho's obvious humor side - JVC_FIX: A former WWE sponsor - PROMO_99: Jericho's WWE debut came in 1999 and he cut that infamous promo on The Rock - 7_OCT: WWE's No Mercy PPV in October - RAW_DOUBLE_FIN and RAW_REV: A possible reference to the match against Triple H on RAW which Jericho had won, or so we thought, only to see Triple H void the title change. Also, Jericho and Chyna both won the WWE IC Title on a double pin. - KOR_Qualify13_60: Jericho qualified for the King of the Ring twice - r/shara/catman/a_man/cat1: A Lionheart reference, maybe - share/Insight/library/SGI_book... Possible reference to Jericho's book - RAW_REV_MAY2.action: Jericho defeated Benoit for the WWE IC Title on May 2, 2000 - BIG_SHOW: This is the only name that means anything that is in the promo, so WWE could have thrown it in there just to confuse the fans. Also, with the above mentioned CHAMP_HARD, Jericho defeated Big Show for the Hardcore title in 2001. - RAW_WAR_BUMPER: RAW is WAR was the catchphrase back when Y2J was around, and he often "bumped" the phrase around to say RAW is Jericho - DISP_CHAMP: A possible reference to Jericho's reign as WWE Undisputed Champion - giga/flame_5.0.7OCT/action: WWE No Mercy starts at 5:00PM on October 7th - Also, according to his official website, his book signing tour starts on 10/25, and none of those dates are for Mondays. Also, I'm pretty sure WWE Cyber Sunday is the 222nd WWE PPV, though I could be wrong. I guess it would be possible that the SAVE_US.222 could countdown and change to SAVE_US.22J then end with SAVE_US.Y2J. If you listen closely on the video, you will definitley hear a voice whisper "I'm Back" and it also sounds like there may be a "Lionheart" whisper in there as well. The video even counts down from 6 to 1, kind of like his old WWE Y2J debut promo did. If that isn't enough to add speculation to the fire, The Allstate Arena in Chicago. where WWE No Mercy will be held this year, is the same place that Jericho made his original debut with WWE. The whole "Save Us" could trace back to when Jericho came to WWE originally, his whole schtick was that he was here to "Save the WWE" and in many of his old promos, he always refers to being a "saviour" and stuff. In another interesting note, WWE Cyber Sunday is being held in Washington, D.C. which is the last place Jericho wrestled a WWE PPV match. There's also a slight reference to the Bible verse, Joshua 2, Verse 2 (Joshua 2:2) which is: "The king of Jericho was told, "Look! Some of the Israelites have come here tonight to spy out the land." 3 So the king of Jericho sent this message to Rahab: "Bring out the men who came to you and entered your house, because they have come to spy out the whole land." The Bible verse, Joshua 2, Verse 22 contains no Jericho reference: When they left, they went into the hills and stayed there three days, until the pursuers had searched all along the road and returned without finding them. Now I realize that all of these clues and guesses are taking a long shot, and some of them may have been thrown in there by WWE just to fool with the fans. Whether it really does mean Jericho's return or not, Cyber Sunday or No Mercy, it is still a great new angle for WWE to come up with to get the fans excited again after the disappointing "Illegitimate Son" storyline. Also go onto Bible Online and type in "Joshua 2:2" and "Joshua 8:2" and Jericho is mentioned in both. 2:2 being 222 and 8:2 being 8.2.11

Am I a manly man, or a more feminine man.? I'm a guy and im getting a little irritated on some things . Here are a few guy traits that i dont have: -Don't watch sports 24/7 -Don't know how to fix cars, change oil, change tires, basically i know nothing about cars other than putting gas and driving it -The "I wear whats there" attitude, i always look in the mirror to see if the clothes look good -Not good with directions -Not as aggressive, cocky, arrogant -Not tall or dark -Not the leader type -Cant handle as much alcohol or beer as a lot of other guys can -Have to wash my hands after eating greasy ass chips, can just wipe it on my clothes or a tissue, gotta wash my hands -Dont have a lot of chest hair -I grow very straight hair, not curly or wavy Here are a few guy traits that i do have -Muscular -Always willing to help people anytime, anywhere.. especially tough jobs -Can make my girlfriend feel like a real queen -I can read peoples emotions -I dont show emotions -I eat like a beast...literally -Very humble, but very strong -I get through things and move on -I got a great sense of humor -VERY protective -Love action movies especially war movies -Love video games (well world of warcraft lol) -I think outside the box as you see i am very self conscious about how manly i am, it sucks because my gf actually possesses some manly traits that i dont have like she watches sports, shes good with directions, she doesnt care about dirt on her hands lol. i just wanted to know if its common for a guy to posses some feminine traits, because if you saw me in real life you wouldnt think i had them, youd think.... omg he looks like a pitbull...then you talk to me and see that im the nicest person youd ever met. I just wanted to know if im considered to be more manly or a man with feminine features.

I need advice about falling out of step with my close friends =/? My close friends who I've known for 7+ years are drifting away. Example: they like going to video game place to play computer games, I don't. They're always desperate to "GET CHICKS TO COME" and I have a gf and in my other groups of friends who I'm not as close to never have this issue or are desperate to "get chicks to come", they do stupid things like going to this fighting thing to train to fight and I'm civilized and wouldn't be interested in that. There are all sorts of little things that I don't care to mention like how they're sense of humor is dumb and is trigged by LOL THATS SO RANDOM jokes from dane cook and nick swordson..yeah, it was funny in 8th grade, I grew up =/ I guess what I'm trying to say is, I need to move on and or find a way to cope with this. Has anyone been in this situation? how do I move on? How do I deal with this? any advice would be nice.. I just feel like I'm too sophisticated to be around them. I like meaningful things, not fighting or computer games...

9/11 Vendetta.....Can i have your thoughts? This video links the movie "V for Vendetta" with 9/11. Its about 7 min. long and regardless of your beliefs about 9/11, I want to hear you thoughts. Humor yourselves......enjoy.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXHJ8WLXhW8&mode=related&search= Nice, so insult those with opposing views instead of debunking the actual info.... you feel better now?

Why do University Students look/act like Highschool Students? I spent time at my sister's university and it was weird. The student's bodies were small and skinny and not very adult-like. They also had young facial features and wear the same type of clothes. Some of them look like they didn't finish puberty. I also notice that they are into the same types of music, movies and video games as highschool students. They even have the same type of humor as highschool students. They even have the same habits, like texting 24-7 or being on facebook/myspace. The only difference I saw was that university students "do what they need to do" without someone having to remind them. But besides for that..... they are BASICALLY the same as highschool students.

strict parenting? i guess you could call me a strict parent.i have 2 girl's and 1 boy. my 2 girl's are 6 and 11 and my boy is 8. on school night's they all go to bed at the same time which is at 7:30 and on none school nights they go to bed 8:00. i do NOT allow my children listen to that pop music crap(hannah montana is ok though), rap. i do NOT allow my kids to watch anime(or listen to japanese songs), crude humor, can not watch violent shows(power rangers, fighting shows, ect.), and can watch very few PG movies. they can only go on educational websites. i do not allow them to play video games. i do make my kids wear diapers at night because they do make accidents pretty often(i use diapers because they hold more and they do somtimes do more then just wetting). they do not go to public school they go to a private school. is anybody else a strict parent? if so do you aggree with my rules? and what are your rules? ok well do you think you could tell me how to get them to STOP wetting at night? i'm sorry but this is really the only thing i think my parenting is horrible on. somtimes i feel that if i can't get them to stop i shouldn't be their parent because if i keep being their parent they'll keep weeting at night. do you think you could help me out on this?

What names fit these people? These are the characters in my story. Help me name them? The first five are in a band together. 1.Girl.Long blond hair, bubbly, athletic, pretty. Wears clothes that are surfer-style. Plays guitar. Amazing singer. Smart. Not popular, not a loser. Hangs out and mingles and talks to every group from the drama geeks to the Abercrombie queens. A leader. Curly hair. Skateboards. 2. Girl. Secretive, depressed, awkward, "emo", sorta geeky. Short black hair. Extreme tom boy. Plays bass. Sort of goes with what everybody else is doing. Hilarious sense of humor. Spends a lot of time on the computer. 3. Girl. Medium strawberry blond hair. Funniest person you will EVER meet. Plays guitar. Sort of sexual sense of humor. Freckly. Dresses sporty. Arty. A huge twilight fan. Hazel eyes. Loud. Loves pranks. 4. Girl. Shoulder length brown hair. Plays guitar. Adorable. Short. Heeuuggee anime freak, has anime everything. Good singer, but shy about it. Giggly. Brown eyes. 5. Boy. Brown eyes. Flippy light brown hair. Skateboarder. Plays drums. Plays lacrosse. Sort of cocky, but really is a sweetheart when you break him down. A flirt. 6.Girl. Sister to #1. Bleach blond hair comparable to cotton candy. Super skinny. Has a strong little flock of besties, but doesnt like being in groups. Loud and particularly a nuisance when around friends, but shy around new people. Dare devil. Large spacey smile. Round green eyes. Tom boy. 7.Girl. Best friend to #6. Very girly, and dresses fashionably. Straight and short brown hair. Blue eyes. Freckles. Shy around people she just met, but over all loud and outgoing. 8.Boy. Best friend to #1, sister to #7. Extremely tall. Acts older than he is. Same appearance and features as #7. Good friends with #5. Plays guitar. All around athletic. Jealous. Cute. Dresses american eagle style. 9. Cousin to #8 + #7. Brownish blond hair. Greenish brown eyes. Good friends with #1. Described as a "good little Christian boy". Really funny. Can pick up in someones conversation and just go with it. Kind. Plays guitar. Plays a lot of video games. Tall. 10.Girl. Best friend to everyone in the band. Redhead. Really smart in school, but not exactly street smart at times (has blond moments) Loves twilight. Has glasses. Boy crazy. Loves musicals, and music in general. Likes to sing randomly. Plays sports. Super tall. 11. Boy. Dating #4. Redhead. Sort of geeky. Dresses american eagle style. Wears track suits and sweat pants a lot. Eyes sort of match his hair. Funny in a shy sort of way. Voice cracks a lot. Best friend to #3. Thanks! Oh and can you use uncommon names? thanks.

Which of these game should be into a movie? I have dreams of making video games into movies.........NOT LIKE Uwe boll....that guy pisses me off beyond belief. I would like to take a compelling, epic approach with actors that are extremely professional, but ones that no one has ever seen.....and are serious and fun about making it perfect........im a perfectionist and im taking film production in college........IDK..........some guy asked this same question i want to see what you think? 1.Half Life 2. Deus Ex 3. The Journey Man Project 4. Fallout (dark humor,dramatic but serious) 5. Metal Gear Solid 6.The Suffering 7. Beyond Good and Evil 8. Unreal Tournament (a fun action movie) 9. a remake of Doom and making it rated X. 10.Outcast 11.Thief 12.Command & Conquer or Starcraft.........I CANT DECIDE ON THIS ONE. Halo is for sure going to be made into movie before i become 25..........im 19........ive made a few short films myself.

Hey, does this sound like a cool guy? 1. Talks sports (sometimes) 2. Listens to sports radio 3. Has a sense of humor; very funny 4. Shoots pool 5. He djs sometimes (has pioneer cd mixers) 6. He feels good about himself (jokingly arrogant; like if somebody tells someone else a person is cute, he'd say "thank you") 7. Drinks beer (sometimes) 8. Goes to bars, strip clubs (sometimes) 9. Play video games 10. He likes to draw 11. His fav.music is old school hip hop and jazz 12. He starts conversations; great conversationilist 13. He's friendly; easy to get along with 14. He doesn't sag or try to dress thuggish 15. He's single, doesn't have a girl 16. He likes to pull pranks 17. Makes CDs; he listens to them in his car

This is what I think should have happened in the Sonic Series. Anyone agree...? Sonic was one of the greatest video game mascots rivaling Super Mario. Unfortunately, for the past few years Sonic has been degrading slowly. What's up with Sega? Well... I am going to highlight a few mistaks that Sega made for the poor Hedgehog. Here is what SHOULD HAVE happened in the series. (If you are a Sonic fan, please don't be disappointed...) -First of all... Most of the voice actors SUCK. I hate to admit it but they sound terrible... some of which don't even fit the characters personalities what-so-ever. -Knuckles... He is my favorite character. But, then something else happened. In Sonic 3... Knuckles, was cunning and precautiously intelligent. He thought very far ahead of Sonic (LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE TRICKS HE PLAYED ON SONIC IN THAT GAME!!!) He also had a decent sense of humor and he was incredibly strong in terms of strength and he was pretty fast when he needed to be... but then, ever since the Sonic Adventure series started, SEGA turned Knuckles... Into a idiot. Some of the stuff that describes Knuckles nowadays CONTRADICTS how originally was in Sonic 3 in his first appearance. - These are the characters that should not be in the Sonic series again: Shadow the Hedgehog (I'll explain later.), Rouge the Bat, Big the Cat, Cream the Rabbit, Silver the Hedgehog and Princess Elise (I don't think I spelled that correctly.) Many of the other characters were fine to some extent. - Shadow... First of all... His appearance was PERFECT and COOL in the Sonic Adventure series... Now having said that... SEGA... should have LEFT him alone for while until it was appropiate to place in another game... His return in Sonic Heroes was TOO sudden and seemed out of place. And ever since Sonic Heroes, Shadow constantly mopes about his memory and "truth." Shadow the Hedgehog pretty much became a much more moody version of Sonic. He was fun and cool in his first appearance...but then something bad happened. Rouge the Bat?! She should NOT be in this series at all. The fact that she Knuckle's RIVAL pisses me off even more. WHERE THE HELL DID SHE COME FROM? Why the hell would Rouge be a rival of Knuckles? Knuckle's has WAY more experience and charisma than she does! If it were somebody like Julie-Su(from the comic book) or Blaze the Cat(If she was thought of a bit earlier) I wouldn't have minded. But, Rouge? Come on! I don't care how big here boobs are, nothing in her character stands out for me at all. -The camera should be adjusted so that we can play the game a little better. - Amy Rose should be less annoying about her love for Sonic. SEGA kinda flanderized her character when Sonic Heroes came about. - Metal Sonic is THE perfect villian along with Dr. Eggman. - Sonic might need one or two more villians.(NOT dopplegangers...) - Chao should be used as an actually game play element within the level themselves rather than a tomagachi-esque situation. -The Super Emerald's from Sonic 3 and Knuckles game would have been a good idea to carry along with... 14 Emerald's could lead to some good plot points rather than just 7. But, I think we should remain with the idea of 7 emeralds. - The Shadow the Hedgehog game was good... if Shadow hasn't been around since Sonic Adventure 2 then this would have been a perfect game. Now, if they were going to use guns, it should've been executing in a way where it wasn't... gimmicky and more reasonable. That would have been PERFECT. Just exclude the vehicles and the alignment glitches (Regardless of what side you take, EVERYONE will attack you for no reason during gameplay.), increase the graphical engine slightly so that it doesn't look something off of a Dreamcast game. Hmmmm... This might be redundant... but, my fellow video gamers, this is the only solutions that I would have came up with if I were creating Sonic games for SEGA. What do you guys think? What do you guys think that should be changed about the Sonic series?

hypothetical questions to answer? ok, i stole this post it is a year old i liked it and wanted to see what would the new and improved answers be. thanx Check it out, here's how this game's gonna work, I ask you a list of questions with a certain amount of options, you pick one of the options for each one. If you are having a hard time with one, you are entitled to one "tie" it's optional but if you must use it, you can, but only on one question.The rest you have to pick an option. You must put down the question number and you can either write you answer or just put the letter that represents the option, you must write why you picked that answer. I made all these questions up myself, some are original and some aren't really that creative, but for the most part this will be fun. 1. You can either live... a) home alone for the rest of your life. You can watch all the movies, all the television, eat all the food you want, go on yahoo answers, youtube, play video games etc.. but no friends or family or knowing anyone at all. or b) Live the most fulfilling life, having as many friends as you want, travel the world, basically doing everything you ever wanted to do BUT, you can't eat, play games watch T.V. or use internet and you die in a year. (you still fulfiled all the dreams you had aside from things related to computer.) 2.Would you rather a) Live with a curse of being hilariously humiliated every day for the rest of your life, but able to laugh about it (its still embarrassing but you have a sense of humor.) or b) You are blessed with never having to be humiliated ever again for the rest of your life but you have absolutely no sense of humor, you can never find anything funny. 3. Say you had a daughter (or another daughter) a) she loves you, she is smart, beautiful, talented and everything you ever wanted except she becomes pregnant at a young age, basically young enough for you to be devastated. or b) she is retarded, handicapped, not exactly society's standard of pretty, no social life, but has all the love in the world to give to you. 4. Say you have a lot of regrets in your life. You can change them! by... a) Re-living your entire life just to get to those moments, that means coming out of your mom over again, yep, you get to see it all. (you have the same brain and soul as you do right now because then you can remember what you need to change and such.) b) Or you can just let all those things go from this point on and forget about them. 5. Which would you choose? a) Living in the woods with a village just like Pocahontas. or b) Living the way you do now only all you enemies live in your house. 6. Let's do another Pocahontas one, (they have a hard situation at the end and it's similar to these types of questions) do you remember the end of the movie? Okay, you live in a village with everyone you love and then someone comes to the villiage that you happen to fall in love with (like seriously, you know you will never find anyone better) but he/she has to leave now forever. Do you... a) Go with them or b) Stay with your village. 7. If you had to die, who would you rather have kill you? a) Jason Voorhees at camp crystal lake or b) Freddy Kruger in your dreams 8. *~*~*GIRLS*~*~* If you could have a period free month, with the price of having one month taken off your life, would you... a) use it often or b) never (you can't say rarely, it has to be one or the other, unless you use your tie right now.) 9.*~*~*GUYS*~*~* The majority of women said that they would choose chocolate over sex. If there was something you would take over sex (say what it would be) and lets say in your future there are a certain amount of times you will have sex. you can either... a) Be banished from that thing forever or b) Everytime you eat it or use it or watch it or whatever, it takes one of those times you will have sex away. 9. (This one is Buffy the vampire slayer inspired. If you have seen season 6 you will understand this better. If you haven't it doesn't really matter...anyways.) Say a friend of yours died. You have no way of knowing whether that are in heaven or in hell, but you have a way to bring them back easily. If you bring them back from hell, it's good, if you bring them back from heaven it's bad. would you take the chance and bring them back anyway? a) yes or b) no 10. should I do one of these again? (Okay so it's not hypothetical but yeah.) a) Yes I had fun b) No, you are the equivalent of flaming nut butter in Spain. Go kill yourself. (wtf?) 11. Say you hear this awesome song, like the best song in the world and you either a) Have to listen to it everyday for the rest of your life possibly multiple times a day untill it gets annoying and repetitive but you still have to listen to it then. b) Never listen to it again, just this one time. So. Hope th

Series of Hypothetical Questions (Part 1)? Check it out, here's how this game's gonna work, I ask you a list of questions with a certain amount of options, you pick one of the options for each one. If you are having a hard time with one, you are entitled to one "tie" it's optional but if you must use it, you can, but only on one question.The rest you have to pick an option. You must put down the question number and you can either write you answer or just put the letter that represents the option, you must write why you picked that answer. I made all these questions up myself, some are original and some aren't really that creative, but for the most part this will be fun. 1. You can either live... a) home alone for the rest of your life. You can watch all the movies, all the television, eat all the food you want, go on yahoo answers, youtube, play video games etc.. but no friends or family or knowing anyone at all. or b) Live the most fulfilling life, having as many friends as you want, travel the world, basically doing everything you ever wanted to do BUT, you can't eat, play games watch T.V. or use internet and you die in a year. (you still fulfiled all the dreams you had aside from things related to computer.) 2.Would you rather a) Live with a curse of being hilariously humiliated every day for the rest of your life, but able to laugh about it (its still embarrassing but you have a sense of humor.) or b) You are blessed with never having to be humiliated ever again for the rest of your life but you have absolutely no sense of humor, you can never find anything funny. 3. Say you had a daughter (or another daughter) a) she loves you, she is smart, beautiful, talented and everything you ever wanted except she becomes pregnant at a young age, basically young enough for you to be devastated. or b) she is retarded, handicapped, not exactly society's standard of pretty, no social life, but has all the love in the world to give to you. 4. Say you have a lot of regrets in your life. You can change them! by... a) Re-living your entire life just to get to those moments, that means coming out of your mom over again, yep, you get to see it all. (you have the same brain and soul as you do right now because then you can remember what you need to change and such.) b) Or you can just let all those things go from this point on and forget about them. 5. Which would you choose? a) Living in the woods with a village just like Pocahontas. or b) Living the way you do now only all you enemies live in your house. 6. Let's do another Pocahontas one, (they have a hard situation at the end and it's similar to these types of questions) do you remember the end of the movie? Okay, you live in a village with everyone you love and then someone comes to the villiage that you happen to fall in love with (like seriously, you know you will never find anyone better) but he/she has to leave now forever. Do you... a) Go with them or b) Stay with your village. 7. If you had to die, who would you rather have kill you? a) Jason Voorhees at camp crystal lake or b) Freddy Kruger in your dreams 8. *~*~*GIRLS*~*~* If you could have a period free month, with the price of having one month taken off your life, would you... a) use it often or b) never (you can't say rarely, it has to be one or the other, unless you use your tie right now.) 9.*~*~*GUYS*~*~* The majority of women said that they would choose chocolate over sex. If there was something you would take over sex (say what it would be) and lets say in your future there are a certain amount of times you will have sex. you can either... a) Be banished from that thing forever or b) Everytime you eat it or use it or watch it or whatever, it takes one of those times you will have sex away. 9. (This one is Buffy the vampire slayer inspired. If you have seen season 6 you will understand this better. If you haven't it doesn't really matter...anyways.) Say a friend of yours died. You have no way of knowing whether that are in heaven or in hell, but you have a way to bring them back easily. If you bring them back from hell, it's good, if you bring them back from heaven it's bad. would you take the chance and bring them back anyway? a) yes or b) no 10. should I do one of these again? (Okay so it's not hypothetical but yeah.) a) Yes I had fun b) No, you are the equivalent of flaming nut butter in Spain. Go kill yourself. (wtf?) So. Hope this was fun, post your answers and why you picked them. Oh crap i forgot one! okay here is is. Say you hear this awesome song, like the best song in the world and you either a) Have to listen to it everyday for the rest of your life possibly multiple times a day untill it gets annoying and repetitive but you still have to listen to it then. b) Never listen to it again, just this one time.

ENGLISH 3 HELP PLZ :)!? 1.) It is believed Mark Twain abandoned the manuscript of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for: a. two years b. three years c. ten years d. fifteen years 2.) Smiley trains the frog by: a. making it jump after flies b. prodding it with a sharp wire c. making it jump into an orange carton d. rewarding it with worm 3.) The narrator of the story asks about: a. Jim Smiley b. Simon Wheeler c. Leonidas W. Smiley d. Parson Walker 4.) The video on Huck Finn and Mark Twain refers to the character of Tom Sawyer. Tom is known as the: a. adventurous one b. innovative one c. smart one d. clever child 5.) The narrator contributes to the humor of the selection because: a. his deadpan delivery is in absurd contrast with the story. b. he doesn't care if his audience goes or stays. c. he tells jokes during dead moments of the story. d. he mimics the different animals described. 6.) The stranger: a. steps on Smiley's frog b. attaches Smiley's frog to the ground with a hook. c. fills his own frog with helium. d. fills Smiley's frog with quail shot. 7.) Sent by his friend, the narrator finds Simon Wheeler in the general store. a. true b. false 8.) To the narrator, Simon Wheeler seems tedious and lacking in a sense of humor. a. true b. false 9.) Twain's story presents the classic situation of the trickster who gets tricked in the end. a. true b. false 10.) Smiley's frog is named Andrew Jackson. a. true b. false

Does she like him and not me? There's this girl I like. I made something for her to get her out of depression, and she spent 2 weeks making me a video to thank me for it. She also said it made her cry, and she looks to a better tomorrow thanks to me. (Long story, she was emo/depressed, I cheered her up with a poster of quotes of love from her friends) Now my friend, basically cockblocked me every day. He wouldn't let her out of his sight. When I tried to do something with her, he always meets her first or dissuades me. Recently, he's fallen in love with her (wasn't that obvious?) and I feel like a total..UGH I can't believe I let her slip. I loved this girl to death and he's with her 25/7. I mean, before school, he meets her, after school he meets her, goes home with her, meets her in classes, etc. Personally, it looks too needy/clingy. But IDK, that's just me. I thought she wouldn't like him if he was with her 25/7. I can't even friggin hug the girl because he's always got his eyes on me as soon as I come close to her. He likes her, and she knows it. She said she likes him too but doesn't want to date because 1)she wanted him to be her brother and 2)she always messes things up. Okay, maybe she was lying? On Facebook, she said this about me in a note. Would you ever date 2? i'd consider xP Before, I told her I liked her and she told me she didn't feel the same. I was perfectly fine with that and tried to ease her guilt and made her happy again. She also says I'm really funny. I joke around and act really egotistical sometimes. But she knows it's in good humor, because I'm very sarcastic about it. I feel like I've lost this girl. Have I? Do I like have no chance? (BTW, something interesting I noticed. Afterschool, me, her, him, and my bro-from-another-mo hung out and when I said goodbye and walked to my train station, she was walking away without the kid. Does that mean she isn't really clingy to him, and he's kind of forcing himself into her life? He's always following her.) Maybe she likes that stuff, but have I really lost her? If so, I'll suck it up and move on, but this girl..I loved more than my first.

Recently my husband has been mean towards my kids and I. ? He has been picking fights just so he can argue with me and and finds humor in it. He'll laugh at me constantly and he spends no quality time with our 4 kids or myself anymore. He comes home from work, and goes straight for the tv or video game. I can't figure out what is going on. I get called lazy for not having dishes done when he gets home. (there are 4 kids 1,7,8, and 10 years) it gets rough taking care of them 24-7 and he does not help. Can anyone tell me what could be going on with him? He won't talk to me, just yells. He doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink and has never hit the kids or I. This has been resently since going back to his old job and he has to work with a woman.

I lost the girl I like? There's this girl I like. I made her a poster and everything when she was down, and she worked 2 weeks on a video for me to thank me, saying she looks forward to a better tomorrow thanks to me. She also cried because of the poster. (Long story, she was emo/depressed, I cheered her up with a poster of quotes of love from her friends) Now my friend, basically cockblocked me every day. He wouldn't let her out of his sight. When I tried to do something with her, he always meets her first or dissuades me. Recently, he's fallen in love with her (wasn't that obvious?) and I feel like a total..UGH I can't believe I let her slip. I loved this girl to death and he's with her 25/7. I mean, before school, he meets her, after school he meets her, goes home with her, meets her in classes, etc. Personally, it looks too needy/clingy. But IDK, that's just me. I thought she wouldn't like him if he was with her 25/7. I can't even friggin hug the girl because he's always got his eyes on me as soon as I come close to her. He likes her, and she knows it. She said she likes him too but doesn't want to date because 1)she wanted him to be her brother and 2)she always messes things up. Okay, maybe she was lying? On Facebook, she said this about me in a note. Would you ever date 2? i'd consider xP Before, I told her I liked her and she told me she didn't feel the same. I was perfectly fine with that and tried to ease her guilt and made her happy again. She also says I'm really funny. Have I lost this girl? I fixed her computer and she was very happy today. However, I joke around and act really egotistical sometimes. But she knows it's in good humor, because I'm very sarcastic about it. I feel like I've lost this girl. Have I? Do I like have no chance? (BTW, something interesting I noticed. Afterschool, me, her, him, and my bro-from-another-mo hung out and when I said goodbye and walked to my train station, she was walking away without the kid. Does that mean she isn't really clingy to him, and he's kind of forcing himself into her life? He's always following her.) Maybe she likes that stuff, but have I really lost her? If so, I'll suck it up and move on, but this girl..I loved more than my first. I did that on purpose xP To emphasize lol

Boy meets Girl...or disaster waiting to happen? A little over a year ago....I met a random person on myspace. A person whom would change my life forever. He had a failed 22 year marriage and a 9 year old daughter. I had a failed marriage after 8 years of abuse with two toddlers. We were both in stages of repairing our hopeless marriages. We just became random myspace friends and neither of us were looking for anything because of our pasts. We naturally fell into place as friends because of our simple humor on life and brought light to each other, a smile we had forgotten. Everyday, we found ourselves communicating via email, progressively into phone calls, video chats, webcamming....and with each moment became strongly attatched to one another. We shared an AMAZING bond...even through 1000 miles of video chatting, visiting each non busy moment. Late nights of conversation to the early mornings, watching each other drift away at the cam...we turned our moment into reality. I drove out to visit and spent the most Amazing summer ever! Love at first sight, and knowing each other inside and out from a previous 7 months of technology bringing us closer. As the summer drew near...there was a decision. Make it or break it? Head first we spent the next two months finding a place and getting things for our home...so here I am. Happier than ever! EXCEPT for my families. My childrens father and his family look poorly upon me....because I escaped his abuse and perverse ways? I did not want incest porn to be a part of my babies lives or watching their mother get kicked around. I AM HAPPIER than EVER and my kids are adjusting awesome...and my boyfriend adores them. We acheived our happiness in a rather weird way...but we are happy. Everyone except the people behind my husbands abusive behavior. I am confident our relationship will last....or am I dreaming? I have people whispering in my ear that our relationship is a joke and I am destroying my kids lives....but staying with a man who was perverse beyond reality and abusive...but loved the kids.....was Ok? They say my children will never grow up normal without their father in their everyday lives..and every three months isn't worth it. He DID love the kids...but where do I draw the line on his "night time" behavior? Ugh.

Two questions answered Child speaking in third person normal? Aspergers? I was wondering if it is normal to speak in the third person when you are 5-7 years old. Because when I was little, I use to watch television and talked about the show. I would say stuff like, "That was funny when tom got batted by jerry" or "these commercials are too long." It was like I was talking my thoughts out. I grew out of it, but I was wondering if this was a sign of aspergers. Now that I am 20 I obviously grew out of it, however when I am by myself I sometimes act out my thoughts because I get excited. I do have an awkward walk due to scholiosis; I fit the uncoordinated symptom even though I am semi athletic, especially in shooting threes in basketball. My friends always said I was a little awkward socially, but I have always been really funny and I have a good sense of humor. I can understand when someone is joking with me, but I do feel hurt at times even thought I know they are joking. I can recognize people's emotions and I can empathize. I do have weird obsessions such as rechecking things I have looked up for a long time. It currently is asking random questions on yahoo answers or looking up mental disorders. In the past it was video games or the specific details of video games such as effective strategies to win. As for focusing, I tend to hyperfocus. I focus on something and I block other things out because I am in my own little world. My friends say I am introverted at times, but sometimes very extroverted hyper. Basically my question is if this sounds more like ADHD or Aspergers? I've always been considered the funny one, but yet odd from the rest of my friends. I am not completely socially retarded; I've had some leadership roles.

Did I lose the girl I like? Does she like him? There's this girl I like. I made her a poster and everything when she was down, and she worked 2 weeks on a video for me to thank me, saying she looks forward to a better tomorrow thanks to me. She also cried because of the poster. (Long story, she was emo/depressed, I cheered her up with a poster of quotes of love from her friends) Now my friend, basically cockblocked me every day. He wouldn't let her out of his sight. When I tried to do something with her, he always meets her first or dissuades me. Recently, he's fallen in love with her (wasn't that obvious?) and I feel like a total..UGH I can't believe I let her slip. I loved this girl to death and he's with her 25/7. I mean, before school, he meets her, after school he meets her, goes home with her, meets her in classes, etc. Personally, it looks too needy/clingy. But IDK, that's just me. I thought she wouldn't like him if he was with her 25/7. I can't even friggin hug the girl because he's always got his eyes on me as soon as I come close to her. He likes her, and she knows it. She said she likes him too but doesn't want to date because 1)she wanted him to be her brother and 2)she always messes things up. Okay, maybe she was lying? On Facebook, she said this about me in a note. Would you ever date 2? i'd consider xP Before, I told her I liked her and she told me she didn't feel the same. I was perfectly fine with that and tried to ease her guilt and made her happy again. She also says I'm really funny. Have I lost this girl? I fixed her computer and she was very happy today. However, I joke around and act really egotistical sometimes. But she knows it's in good humor, because I'm very sarcastic about it. I feel like I've lost this girl. Have I? Do I like have no chance? (BTW, something interesting I noticed. Afterschool, me, her, him, and my bro-from-another-mo hung out and when I said goodbye and walked to my train station, she was walking away without the kid. Does that mean she isn't really clingy to him, and he's kind of forcing himself into her life? He's always following her.) Maybe she likes that stuff, but have I really lost her? If so, I'll suck it up and move on, but this girl..I loved more than my first.

Jehovah's Witnesses, Is This Story Really True? On May 22, 2005 Gerrit Lösch of the governing body of the Watchtower Corporation gave a talk at a special assembly in Monza, Italy. During his discourse he compares going to college with shooting yourself through the head. A Link To His Talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R4f9ygxDbk The video is in Italian but with English subtitles. As an example, he cites what he calls a TRUE story of a man that tried to kill himself by shooting himself in the head and by accident, cures himself and lives on to enjoy a normal life. At the end of this example he goes on to make sure we know it is a true story by saying, "Yes, it's true." This story sounds an awful lot like a story at SNOPES dot com that has been proved to be false. A link to SNOPES: http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/tumor.asp My question again: "Is This Story Really True?" If so I would like to see evidence of its veracity. Perhaps the name of the man, the city where it occured, the hospital where he was treated, the news story in print or on video that reported the story. Please, no sarcastic, judgemental or hateful posting. Please no ad hominem attacks against me or anyone else who responds. I am always seeking truth and integrity via the teachings of the Bible. It is not a bad thing to ask questions. In fact when one needs answers one must ask questions as the disciples did of Christ (Luke 21:7) and as the Bereans did in a noble fashion (Acts 17:11). ---EDIT--- Wakenman Wrote: But what was really behind your little question was to trick any Jehovah Witness into clicking on to an apostate website for your religious propaganda about the Witnesses. Hi Wakenman, sorry to disagree with you. Actually the link is to an actual video of a Jehovah's Witness Assembly with Brother Losch speaking. There is no apostasy in listening to one of the governing body speak is there? Maybe there is. If they are making up lies to try and scare kids out of going to college. Wakenman Part 2: He compared the man shooting himself with a rifle in the mouth and surviving, just because he survived would you do the same thing? Wakenman, besides the comparison, I am looking to find out if the story he used in his talk is true. If it is true I would like to see the proof. If it is not true as the snopes page seems to bring out, I want to know if Brother Losch knew it was BS or if he trawled the story off the internet without first verifying if it was true or not. As far as asking questions, the Bereans questioned the Apostle Paul (Who was inpired and filled with Holy Spirit) to make sure he told the truth and were deemed more noble than some other groups of people. If it is noble to question the Apostle, is it not noble to question the governing body who claims NO Inspiration? There is no apostasy in asking questions is there? Or maybe there is. Thanks for sharing you view! Rebecca L Wrote: He told a "true" story of a violinist (some famous guy with a name I've forgotten at this late hour) giving a concert, breaking a string, and the only choices were to hobble painfully offstage to replace the string (the guy had a debilitating disease or injury) or to go on. Hi Rebecca, His name is Itzhak Perlman and the story is indeed false. http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/perlman.asp Thanks for your input, apparently your study conductor learned from a higher level how to misapply experiences or illustrations in order to dramatize something. Have a great week and thanks again! http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/perlman.asp ---EDIT--- Papa Bear Wrote: Didn't get enough anti-witness comments from your last posting of this supposed question? Hi Papa, actually this is another question. I am asking if his story is really true or not. Do you know?

Why dont i have any friends or girlfriends.....................? I will tell you things about myself. And someone one tell me why. 1. Im hestitant to talk, dont like thinking of things to say to people. 2. Don like sexual humor all that much, there has to be a right way to say it. 3.I like video games, sci-fi, reading books, rivet/goth clothing, (iLIKE to DIY my clothes) 4. Im vegetarian. 5. Im serious most of the time but i know how to joke around sometimes. 6. I dont like sex or one night stands. 7. I like metal, industrial, noise, avant garde, expirimental, reggae, and most rock music. 8. I dont like drama. 9. I find myself better off alone rather than with others, although it feel hurt and pain when it draws out forver. 10. I wish emotions of anger, hate, jealously, and psychotic disorder were gone.

Based on this description, do I sound at least semi attractive? (girls only)? I'm 5'7 and I'm vietnamese. I'm 124 pounds and my arms are skinny but I can do a fair amount of push ups (around 65 in one set). I cut my hair short (army style). And i'm 16. I'm a libertarian and I'm not afraid to voice my opinions even when some people don't agree with my politics. I'm a very political person. I play guitar, electric as well as acoustic. I've only been playing for a year but a lot of people say i'm pretty good. I think I suck though. I play blues and rock. I'm just starting to get into metal. It's a Fender Stratocaster just in case if you were wondering hahas. I dress really casually and I generally wear Levi jeans or Pacsuns and I throw a t shirt on and leave the house. I wear sneakers more often but I prefer boots any day. The only reason I wear sneakers is for gym. When I hang out, I go with timberland boots. I don't play video games but I do play only when i'm at my friend's house. A lot of people say that the things I say aren't really that funny (in fact, it's really messed up) but how I say it makes it hilarious. I have no idea what they mean but that's just what I get. People say that I have a warped sense of humor. For example. It's a rainy day and i'm out with my friends. I get into a building and i squeeze out the water in my umbrella. Then I say "damn... there's enough water here for all of Africa" I know, sorry if it sounds messed up. I try to help people as much as possible. Even if I hate someone, i'll help them out. Well, what do think? I'm not interested in dating, I'm just curious. After my last relationship i'm deciding to take a break. Oh and I forgot to mention. I'm a guy =] I'm not that skinny. I skinny but not as skinny as some of you would think. Creep Crawlers- Whatever dude. Emma- LMFAOOOO. After reading it again, I do sound like a butch lesbian.

i need a way to be spotted/ noticed????? i write songs and sing (and im in voice lessons) and everybody i have shown them to says they could be the next big thing if i ever sent them in..........and i really want to but i dont know if my mom would let me, and i dont know how, and at school; im the crazy (as in humor) girl that everybody loves to hate but everyone wants to be. and i dont hang out with the "it groups" anymore cos of a big chick fight that happened in grade 7 (im in grade 9 now....and im 14 on sunday) and i dont know how everyone would treat me via, if my dreams did come true i dont know if they would make me feel low cos im better than them (wich they have done in the past) but i REALLY want this! i have my whole life (been writing/ singing since i was 3.....but none of the songs were written down simply cos i was illiterate) but i want this more than anything!!!! does anyone know of a way i can make it happen???????????????????? *i cant be one of thoes youtube people who get famous off of youtube cos im not alould to put my self on the internet and my video camera got stolen by the baggage claim people in LAX.* and im in Southern BC Canada near Kelowna ish i really do care about the music that i write and that i sing/cover...dont get me wrong........... and i have a piczo site (my friends idea) but i had to password protect the songs page until i can get it into picture format........ i dont mean better than them like that, i mean better as in talent and im a better friend than them

I LOVE hanging out with my cousin. I think he's cool! Dont you all agree? He's kind of different for his age (25) but he's cool Here's 25 things about him 1. His name is Lavelle 2. He collects records 3. He has a stereo (old school steroes from the 60s), plus new equitment like turntables..he's pursing a deejaying career 4. He loves all kinds of music...70s jazz, nigerian...james brown, blackbyrds, pete rock, biggie 5. He listens to cds in his car 6. He listens to AM sports/talk radio in his car during night 7. He doesn't sag or try to dress like a thug 8. Watches sports; read sports newspapers 9. Play video games 10. Draws in sketchbook; he also writes in journal 11. Looks at things from Youtube 12. He enjoys being single 13. He eats junk food 14. Dresses really cool and nice 15. He smells good 16. He's not impressed with supermodels; he's into natural beauty 17. Sometimes drinks 18. Has a sense of humor 19. He can do imitations 20. He likes to pull pranks; fool people 21. He likes older movies like Lean On Me, Purple Rain, etc. 22. He wants to be in a relationship, he doesnt want to get married 23. Sometimes say funny things 24. He doesnt mention his age unless someone ask; he is a modest person 25. He's a jr; named after his dad Lavelle, Sr. Well, isn't this guy awesome?!

Can someone cheer me up with a really WITTY story, I got my first C? I'm a sophomore in college and I haven't gotten a C since the 7th grade. This semester I've been taking 24 units. 6 of those units were two classes that were accelerated online classes over a 5 week period. One of those was history. history... C I know I shouldn't be bummed, but it's been an exhausting 5 weeks and I'm in one of those "I know I shouldn't be depressed, but I can't help but being a little so" / "I'm loopy" moods. Please tell me a WITTY (not just bathroom humor or knock-knock) story or joke to cheer me up. If you want you can post one that you found somewhere on the internet, as long as it's good. Links to witty videos work too... AND I'LL GIVE YOU 10 POINTS!

Whats your opinion on this list??=)? This is a list of people who i think are cute=D (ranked in order) i will tell u why i think they are adorable and there profession *oh and i will just tell u now i will not have taylor launter or robert pattinson on this list and thats that,, they are to ordinary to be on this 1.TYSON RITTER- I think his jaw structure is very bold and pronounced,and his eyes are a very peaceful color,,,,not to mention his badass tattoos lolz. He has natural jet black hair which is quite rare for a caucasian <is that spelled right??.but anyways he gets drunk quite often and when he is drunk he is hilarious(he makes these videos of himself tipsy). PROFESSION:: lead singer of all-american rejects (cute yet sincere music),,he also plays some sort of instrument but im not sure what it is 2.ANTHONY KIEDIS:: Back when he was younger he used to be really handsome,,he always has had style and stuck out even before he was famous, he has always had this dare-devil look about him thats very alluring.lol,he has a very nice complexion because his mother had some serious indian in her. PROFESSION::He is the lead singer in RHCP(red hot chile peppers),they make really mellow yet at the same time dramatic music,its quite amazing 3.NATHAN OWENS- He is really sweet and has the cutest brown puppydog eyes and is very innocent looking even though he is very far from that adjective haha.He has a great sense of humor that just lights up his face,and he wears cool bracelets=) PROFESSION:: He is a utube star who makes videos with his best friend Destery who isnt that bad looking himself haha.They are adorable and lovable ;) 4.ANDREW VANWYDGARNER- He has really crazy looking hair that flatters him perfectly,,and he is a cute acid tripped hippie haha. he is crazy and doesnt care what anyone else thinks,and he is very discrete about his looks which gives him character points.His eyes are quite clear and gazable=) PROFESSION::He is the lead singer of mgmt:) they pretty much created there own genre as far as im concerned haha,,there is no other band quite like them 5.ALEXANDER GASKARTH- i dont know that much about him but i do know that i could see my self marrying a boy like him oneday:)he has mysterious brown eyes that go pleasingly well with his dirtyblond haircolor. PROFESSION::He is the lead singer of all time low. Their music is almost punk like,its very uplifting and free feeling.I just bought one of their shirts=D 6.JACKSON RATHBONE- otherwise known as jasper hale:)i'll be honest i mainly like him for his character 'jasper' in twilight,,if you have seen the movie you would be aware of his cute shyness,mysteriousness,and his weakness of his love for alice.He is the strong silent time which i find very adorable=) by the way twilight really would be nothing if it wasnt for alice and jasper PROFESSION:he is an actor/musician,,i dont listen 2his band but i think they are called 500 monkeys or something. 7.ALEX EVANS-he is freakishly angelic looking and isnt cute or adorable.....he is simply beautiful.his eyes are an electrifying blue color that goes great with his dyed black hair.the contrast is what makes him so beautiful.he has a clean cut look about him in my opinion.I didnt rank him farther up because he is so inhuman looking and almost out of the category of cute guys. PROFESSION::he is well known for his pictures/photagraphy but im pretty sure he is moving into the area of fashion. 8.STEPHAN JERZAK-his face seems pretti down to earth and realistic to me.He pulls off wearing shit clothes like hollister and abercrombie, i honestly dont know how many guys or girls for that matter who can pull those clothes off without looking like a self absorbed faget PROFESSION::He plays very authentic songs that are calming and happy:)he has a few cd's out but he mainly plays covers 9.ROBERT SHWARTZMAN- i dont think alot of people know who this is but i love his combination of dark hair,brown eyes,and tan skin ive always been a sucker for that combo.He has a very laidback look about him that is very cute. PROFESSION::He's an actor,im not very sure if he still acts though.I know him from princess diaries,he plays michael moskovitz. wow im glad that u have time in your life 2write something as unsignifficant and weird as that dear answerer number 1

Football (Soccer) > 2006 FIFA World Cup(TM) Question. about Champions? 1 - Champs of Cupa America 2007 is ...... 2 - Champs of Asian Cup 2007 is ...... 3 - Champs of Europe 2008 is ...... 4 - Champs of World Cup 2010 is ...... 5 - what LOL u like in these LOL family below (choose One): (LOL) 1 - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOL 2 - http://www.lol.com/ 3 - http://www.lolthemovie.com/ 4 - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lol 5 - http://www.computerhope.com/jargon/l/lol.htm 6 - http://community.eons.com/groups/group/daily-humor?cid=googlesearch0019&engine=adwords!9071groups/group/daily-humor_&gclid=CJqgk9XS_IwCFRbIXgodmmox5g 7 - http://www.funlol.com/ 8 - http://us.4you.dada.net/video/zapping/ 9 - http://lol.dk/ 10 - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462392/ 11 - http://lol.thepodcastnetwork.com/ 12 - http://www.lolrecords.com/ 13 - http://www.dailylol.com/

elvis alive? The only time I feel alive... is when I'm in front of my audience, my people. That's the only time I really feel like I'm human." "Long after I'm gone, what I did today will be heard by someone. I just want them to get the best of what I had." (Elvis Presley) Is Elvis Alive ? There are many reasons to believe that Elvis Presley is dead. When the only arguments to believe otherwise come from crazed fans and supermarket tabloids, it is easy to dismiss the possibility that Elvis is still among us. However, the circumstances surrounding Elvis' alleged death are quite mysterious and beg closer attention. As it turns out, there are many concrete reasons to believe that Elvis is still alive. The Gravesite. Elvis' name is misspelled on his headstone. Elvis' full name is Elvis Aron Presley, but on his grave his middle name is spelled incorrectly with two a's. His father would not have let this happen. When Elvis was born, his name was misspelled on his birth certificate, and his father went to great lengths to get it put right. The unique spelling of Elvis' name was important to his family. Elvis' current "resting place" is in between his father and his grandmother and not next to his mother where he had adamantly requested. It is doubtful that the people close to him would allow these things to happen. Elvis is a superstitious man, enough so that he wouldn't tempt fate by putting his real name on a tombstone, or violate the ground next to his mother until he was ready to be placed there for good. Death Certificate. Elvis was very vain, and he was embarrassed about his recent weight gain, an astonishing 50 pounds in the month before his so-called death. Even though he weighed about 250 pounds at the time of his "death," his death certificate lists him at a spry 170 pounds. The original death certificate disappeared, and the current death certificate is dated two months after his alleged death. The Wax Body Theory. This argument is very convincing when the facts are considered. Elvis' coffin required several pall bearers because it weighed 900 pounds. Attendants of the funeral reported that the air around the coffin was rather cool. It is suspected that the coffin contained an air conditioning unit to keep a wax body cool, a wax body that was a replica of Elvis designed to fool funeral-goers. And how did the Presley family get a 900 pound, custom made coffin ready for a funeral that was held on the day after his death? It takes a lot of time to build such an elaborate coffin. And why was the funeral so quickly? Some say that the immediacy was intended to make it as difficult as possible for the people who were Elvis' biggest fans to attend the proceedings. It could be a concern that they might recognize the flaws in the wax replica. Elvis was an 8th degree black belt whose hands were rough with calluses, yet the body in the coffin had hands that were soft and pudgy. The body in the coffin had a pug nose and arched eyebrows {unlike Elvis} and most importantly, one of the sideburns on the "corpse" was loose and falling off. A hairdresser later reported gluing the sideburn back on the body. Unusual Behavior. Two hours after Elvis' death was announced publicly, a man who reportedly looked remarkably like Elvis purchased a ticket for Buenos Aeries, paid in cash, and used the name John Burrows: the same name Elvis had used as an alias several times before. Elvis had a few books that were considered to be his most prized possessions. He had a bible, several pharmaceutical books, books on death, and most importantly Chiro's Book of Numbers and The Autobiography of Yogi which I will explain more about later. After Elvis's death was announced, these books disappeared and were never recovered. In the weeks preceding his alleged death, Elvis' actions were not those of a man who was about to embark on an extensive US tour. He ordered no new suits despite having gained 50 pounds since his last tour, and he bid "adios" at his last show in Hawaii. He had never done this before. Adios, like the French adieu, has the significance of being a final good-bye as opposed to an "I'll be seeing you on my next tour" kind of good-bye. Others were intrigued by Elvis' decision to sign a lucrative TV deal with NBC that would cover the tour. It was unprecedented for a network to pay such a large amount up front, in cash, for such a deal. Many wonder why Elvis even agreed to the deal since his vanity discouraged him from making public appearances due to his weight gain. RCA showed uncanny and unbelievable foresight by mass producing millions of Elvis' current and previous recordings and merchandise. This is standard practice for an act that is about to go on tour, but the numbers in this case were beyond reasonable expectations. The announcement of Elvis' death caused record sales to skyrocket. Elvis did other unusual things that created suspicion. First, he fired several employees that he had relied upon for a long time. Also, two days before his alleged death, Elvis telephoned a friend of his named Miss Foster. He told her that he wasn't planning on going on the upcoming tour. She asked him if he had canceled it, and he said that he had not. When she asked if he was ill, he said that he was fine, and that she should not ask any more questions or tell anyone anything, and that she should not believe anything she read. He told her that his troubles would all soon be over, and that he would call her in a few weeks. The author of Elvis Where Are You? writes that Miss Foster took a polygraph test regarding this story, and that she was not lying. The day after Elvis' alleged death, a woman named Lucy De Barbon, a former lover of Elvis, received a single rose in the mail. The card indicated that the flower was from "El Lancelot." This had been her pet name for Elvis, and it was a name that no one else knew. Flowers can't be sent from beyond the grave. This was Elvis' way of letting her know that he was not dead, even though he didn't want to be found. Chiro's Book of Numbers. Elvis had a fascination with numerology, an interest he fed by reading Chiro's Book of Numbers. The theory that Elvis orchestrated his death is further supported when considering the significance of the date of his alleged death. The date in question is August 16, 1977. By adding the numbers in the date, 8, 16, and 1977, you get 2001. This is the title of Elvis' favorite movie in which the hero plans his immortality in the bathroom. Elvis spent a considerable amount of time doing the same: planning his afterlife on the toilet.. Elvis spent so much time in the bathroom that he had his toilet converted into a reclining comfy chair. Coincidentally, the bathroom is also where Elvis' body was reportedly found. Given Elvis' religious beliefs, he had a fascination with things that come in threes, for example, father, son, and holy ghost. The sum of the digits from his favorite film (2+0+0+1) is three. Let's consider the triad of the repetition of the number 24. 2001 (favorite film) less 1977 (year of death) is 24. The two numbers from the day of death (8/16) when added up equal 24. The sum of the digits in the year of death (1+9+7+7) also equals 24. That is 3 occurrences of the number 24 which is divisible by 3, and when divided by three the result, 8 has a perfect cubed root (2x2x2=8). Elvis loved numerology, and when you consider the numeric significance of the date of his alleged death, it is clear that if indeed he did plan to fake his death, he could not have chosen a better date. Reason Elvis had many reasons to fake his death.It has been said that Elvis' life was in danger. He had recently lost $10,000,000 in an airplane/real estate deal with a California based organization called the "Fraternity" that had links to the Mafia. It is speculated that he corroborated with the government to expose the organized crime ring in exchange for protection, perhaps in the form of a new life and identity compliments of the Witness Protection Program. Elvis was a prisoner of his own fame. He had many other reasons to leave his life behind. Because of his incredible popularity he recieved several death threats, and he was concerned about the safety of his ex-wife and daughter. Sometimes when he wanted to leave Graceland he would send look-alikes out to distract would be followers. Elvis was also known to ride in the trunk of someone else's car to avoid being seen. Once, when he fell ill in Las Vegas, he couldn't get proper medical attention because the hospital was overwhelmed by fans. At the time of his alleged death, Elvis thought he was nearing the end of his career. He saw his self as 42 with greying hair, overweight, and he thought his voice was starting to weaken,. He was going down hill, and he was too proud to go out with a whimper. He would never want his fans to see him in such an unhealthy condition. Elvis had shown a fascination with death on several occasions. In the days leading up to his alleged death he was reported to have visited funeral homes at odd hours of the night with close friends. Was he doing research? Elvis once faked his death by setting up an elaborate shooting in which a would be killer fired blanks at Elvis who had a blood pack which he discharged. It was Elvis' intention to see how the people closest to him would react to his death. Perhaps what he learned convinced him to do it for real. Finally, one of Elvis' favorite books is the spiritual Autobiography of Yogi. One of the central themes of this book is the relinquishing of one's wealth and earthly possessions to achieve spiritual oneness. Elvis could do this, as well as address his other concerns of sanity and safety by faking his death and living in exile. Means. Elvis had the means to fake his own death. He is accused of destroying himself with drugs. In reality, Elvis was a pharmaceutical expert. He took a lot of drugs, but he knew what he was doing and was extremely careful. He knew what drugs he could self-administer to create a deathlike state. Also Elvis' experience with the martial arts was such that he could slow his heart rate and breathing in order to feign death. Elvis' manager, Colonel Tom Parker, had once created a new identity for himself. He came to America as an illegal immigrant from Holland, but through various connections managed to create a new identity complete with a passport, birth certificate, drivers license, and social security number. He would have known how to give Elvis a second life. Aswell as Elvis' ties to the government through his testimony against the "Fraternity", Elvis was known to interact with the President of the United States. He was reported in government documents to use the name John Burrows as an alias when he wanted to travel. Some people believe that Elvis worked for the government as a drug agent. He did, after all have extensive contact with many people in the music business who, as we know, tend to dabble in illegal substances. And, of course, we must allow that Elvis' connections to the government gave him access to the Witness Protection Program. If they can turn the Simpsons into the Thompsons, they can relocate anybody. Orion? Many believe that Elvis couldn't have given up performing completely. Just imagine, after a while the desire to perform would grow once he started his life in exile. The story of Orion supports the theory that Elvis attempted a secret comeback. Shortly after Elvis' alleged death, a masked singer by the name of Orion emerged on the scene. He was big like Elvis, and he sang just like Elvis. Because of the mask no one could tell his true identity. One fan described seeing Orion from near the stage. She claims that Orion left the stage between songs, and when he appeared moments later the sweat was gone from his armpits and back and she thought that his costume looked slightly different. After the song he left the stage, and the original Orion returned. Another fan described how she rushed into a tour bus at an Orion show only to see two Orions in the back of the bus. She claimed that one ducked into the bathroom before she could get a good look at him, but he appeared to look like Elvis Presley. What's even more remarkable is the fictional story called Orion that was written by Gail Brewer-Georgio about a legendary performer who had several identities and wanted to fake his death. The story was written and submitted to the William Morris Agency for publication consideration after Elvis' alleged death and before the real Orion ever performed. As it turns out, there are many ways in which the real Orion mimicked the events as described in the book. For example, the performers' managers had the same name. Also, without knowing it, Brewer-Georgio wrote of events in Orion that had actually taken place in Elvis' life. It was a case of life imitating art. Picking up the Pieces. In 1981, 20/20 did an investigation into the circumstances surrounding the alleged death of Elvis Presley. The investigative report was very convincing. Oddly enough, within two weeks of the report, the singer, Orion, disappeared and was never heard from again. The book, Orion disappeared from shelves across the country. It had been recalled by the publisher which was associated with the William Morris Agency. Incidentally, the William Morris Agency is the same agency that represented Elvis. It seems that Elvis Presley is worth more dead than alive. By faking his death and relocating with a new identity he is safe from his fans and the "Fraternity", the government can make a solid case against the organized crime ring, and RCA, Elvis' family, and Elvis' management can all reap immense financial benefits from the attention. That is... except for one benefit....after nearly 25 years no one has collected on his life insurance policy. Why ????? During his last concert tour in 1977, Elvis spoke of "not looking good tonight", but, he would look good in his coffin. He made comments of being tired of living as he was and how it was going to change. He told of how he would like to be just himself instead of an "image". On August 16th 1977, at 8:00 A.M., Elvis told Ginger Alden that he was going into the bathroom to read. (This bathroom/lounge had it's own back entrance.) For the next six hours no one saw him. Elvis signed for a special delivery letter at 9:30 A.M. At 2:00 P.M. Ginger Alden found the apparent body of Elvis lying on the floor in front of his chair, where he had been reading. She called Al Strada who in turn called Joe Esposito. George Nichopoulous (aka Dr. Nick) was then telephoned. Joe called the fire department, unit 6. The ambulance arrived at Graceland at 2:33 P.M. Paramedics administered CPR, despite rigor mortis. The body was taken to Baptist Memorial Hospital at 2:48 P.M. By 3:00 P.M. Elvis' family members and friends were informed of his "death". Public announcement was given at 3:30 P.M. August 17th, the body was brought back to Graceland for family viewing. The public viewing was from 3:00 P.M. to 6:30 P.M. On August 18th,1977. Tennesse Governor Ray Blanton ordered flags to be flown at half-mast for the duration of the funeral procession. At midday the Graceland gates swung open, a white Cadillac hurse rolled through them, followed by sixteen white Cadillac limousines. QUESTIONS BEGIN How could it take twenty minutes for paramedics to drive sixteen blocks to Graceland if the call came in at 2:33 P.M.? The Medical Examiner's Report states that the body was found with rigor mortis, while the police report states "unconcious". Why would anyone try to give CPR to a rigor mortised body ? The ME report listed the body as weighing 80 pounds lighter then Elvis' actual weight. How could Elvis have passed a physical exam just prior to August 16th if his heart was so enlarged ? How could he have played raquetball for several hours on August 16th, just before his "death" ? ABC's 1979 program on the cover up of Elvis' death stated that all the stomach contents were destroyed. Bill Burkin in his book Elvis World states that officials at Babtist Memorial Hospital had assured him that the stomach contents had been shipped to a California lab to be examined and then on to a lab in Utah, and then ? There are rumors of Elvis' "death" being caused by a heart attack, drug overdose, suffocation in carpeting, suicide and even cancer ! Persons in attendance at Graceland at the time of "death" don't agree on the color of pajamas Elvis was wearing or the posistion of the body. Why did Vernon ask many people NOT to attend the funeral but to come a week later ? Why did Vernon refuse to accept the flag which is usually given to dead war veterans ? Why didn't Elvis have any new jumpsuits made during 1977 ? The handwriting on the death certificate matched Elvis' own writing ! Elvis was very aware of which presribed drugs did not mix well with others. Elvis had glaucoma, and Dexedrine, a drug not to be taken with that condition, was listed as being in his system. Who would prescribe it and why would he take it ? Whose body was autopsied ? Funeral homes don't usually keep solid copper coffins in stock. These coffins weigh in the area of 300 pounds and usually take two months to receive once ordered. This coffin seemed to have been ready. Monte Nicholson, a nineteen year veteran of the Los Angeles Sheriffs Department, wrote a novel called The Presley Arrangement. This novel tells the story of a body that is autopsied, a man resembling Elvis. The man had died of cancer. The body is later returned for private burial, to the man's own family. The man's family are paid to remain silent about the incident. Nicholson explains a government connection. In a 1989 radio interview Nicholson said that even if he knew there was an FBI connection and was told not to say anything, he COULD NOT say. Nicholson also claimed that if he knew the answer to the question, and says he does, he will not disclose his knowledge. He said that if Elvis is alive that his book is pretty close to the truth of what REALLY happened. Was Elvis a DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) agent ? Elvis can be seen wearing a DEA Staff jacket in several photographs, including one taken in June of 1977, approximately six weeks before his "death". Also Elvis was wearing a jogging suit with the DEA logo on it during the early morning hours of August 16th 1977. When Elvis met with President Richard Nixon he said he had been "studying" the drug culture for over 10 years, he could get into any culture group and be accepted. Elvis said he had gotten alot from the country and he wanted to repay in some way. It would have been a dangerous job and one that an entertainer such as Elvis would not have HAD to do unless he chose to. Many DEA agents pose as "drug users" and "pushers" in their undercover work. Elvis could get to anyone if he appeared to be a "user". In the book Elvis: What Happened? one of the guys wondered if Elvis was ever as whacked out as he seemed to be. Maybe he is a "great" actor after all. Perhaps he deserves an "Oscar". Death threats were issued against Elvis and his family. Those who had leveled those threats had actually broken into Graceland. At times, the FBI were called. Deputy Narcotics Director John Finlator arranged for Elvis to come to his office under the name of John Burrows. Finlator didn't want to give Elvis a badge but the President reversed the decision. On December 21st of 1970, Elvis met with President Richard Nixon in the oval office, Washington, D.C. Elvis had written a letter requesting a meeting and expressed his concerns about the drug culture, hippie elements, the SDS and other groups who were against the establishment. When Finlator finally gave Elvis the badge and promised to issue him consultant credentials, Elvis was overcome with emotion and his eyes became misty. Ten days later he met with the FBI. On the same day, President Nixon wrote Elvis a thank you. Elvis wrote to the President and said, "I can and will do more good, if I were made a Federal Agent at large, and I will help out by doing it my way." Elvis was known to be in his bedroom for weeks, seeing no one. (There was a back staircase at Graceland.) Elvis could sneak out whenever he needed to. Department of the Treasury-Bob Pritchett says that during the years of '74, '75, and '76 "Mr. Presley provided one of our undercover agents, who was a musician, a job cover. Undercover agents appear to have other occupations. None of Elvis' group of friends knew of this agent and the role he played in setting up his cover. Since he had an undercover agent in his group from '74-'76, when did he find time to use drugs himself? Elvis was very good at keeping secrets and living a "double life". Elvis spoke with President Carter two weeks before his death. It involved aid to a friend. On August 16, 1977, President Carter issued this tribute: "Elvis Presley's death deprives our country of a part of itself. He was unique and irreplaceable. More than twenty years ago he burst upon the scene with an impact that was unprecedented and will probably never be equaled. His music and his personality, fusing the styles of white country and black rhythm and blues, permanently changed the face of American popular culture. His following was immense and he was a symbol of good humor of his country." This was a formal statement, when a celebrity's death is usually only commented on. He had spoken to Nixon and Carter both shortly before the day he died. In the September 1988 issue of American Karate magazine, Ed Parker tells of a time when a terrorist group threatened Elvis' life to make him an example of how they could get to famous people. They threatened to plant a bomb in one of the gifts offered to Elvis at a concert. This was a threat as long as he was "alive", and his family were targets also. Elvis always had law enforcement officials around him. John O'Grady, who was earlier in charge of NARC Divisions of the LAPD, was one of them. He also hired Dick Grob, a former sargeant with the Palm Springs Police. He was surrounded by at least two lawmen in top security positions. Elvis was in danger. The "hoax" may have been the only way out! History will prove Elvis to be an American hero beyond being an American entertainer. SIGHTINGS With all the Elvis lookalikes, he could actually walk around using disguises and get away with it. Who would be looking for him anyway, when he is supposedly dead? Before 1977, there was an "Elvis lookalike, sound alike" at a Memphis theatre. Elvis put on his best "Elvis outfit", strolled in and mingled with the clones, doing his best "Hey, baby". Afterwards, he came back to Graceland laughing. He tried out and lost! Elvis and his mother's bodies were moved to the Meditation Gardens for burial, after three men tried to break into the crypt. Graceland was rezoned to permit burials at the estate. In the 1989 Orion's "Farewell to the King", the King says "I died once. I had to be willing to give up everything, even the will to live." The last recording session at Graceland was The Last Farewell. There have been many sightings at various places including Graceland. There are some escape routes at Graceland that people don't know about. In a syndicated newspaper across the nation on June 5, 1990, an article headlined "Elvis Lives, At Least On Census Form." The Census Bureau reported in 1990 that Elvis returned a questionaire to the bureau office in Huntsville, Alabama. It was noticed by census workers who were screening forms for completednesss. Late Night with Ross Shafer (August 1988) had a survey that showed that out of 30,000 people polled, approximately 84% believe Elvis is alive. On Monday, August 22, 1988, Harold Schuitmaker, in an item of the Detroit News, said "Elvis is Alive and Living in Kalamazoo." Schuitmaker was a well known Michigan politician and resident of Paw Paw (15 miles from Kalamazoo). The masked singer Orion was at the McMinnville Civic Center and a fan said that she felt that the man onstage and the one who signed autographs were different people. People have reported that someone sounding like Elvis called them on the phone and some hung up because they couldn't believe it. A book titled Elvis: Where Are You? came out of Wilton Manors, Florida around August, 1982 under the name of Al Jefferies. The premise of the book was that Elvis hoaxed his death. Kelly Burgess, a former assistant editor and feature writer with the Detroit News, claimed to have seen Elvis in Kalamazoo, Michigan. She is not living now. In 1988, Heartbreak Hotel starred David Keith as Elvis. (The film had the support of EP Enterprises.) A soundtrack album thanked Jerry Schilling and a special thanks to J.B. In 1987's Robo Cop, a cop is killed, but didn't die. He returns as Robo Cop-a superman hero. It was filmed in Michigan. During that time radio stations got calls from a man sounding like Elvis Presley. There have been lots of sightings there and it was also on his final concert tour. Is this possibly a "message" film? March 18, 1990, an article on Robo Cop, in the Detroit News told of Robo Cop speaking to a Boys and Girls club against drugs. It was a three month long anti-drug campaign organized by the FBI, Orion Home Video of New York, and the Boys Club of America. This Robo Cop was not the same actor as in the movie-his true identity was not revealed. he was a special agent helping the FBI fight the war on drugs. His suit was bullet-proof. During filming, some people saw a man looking like an older Elvis. In Mac and Me, a film from 1988, a young alien is lost and at the end the family drives away in an old pink Cadillac convertible. A balloon caption says "We'll be back". The sound track is on Curb Records, which is the same label as "Spelling on the Stone". There were some song lyrics which were: "Tired of being myself, being different from everyone else, somehow you knew I needed your help, be my friend forever. I never found my star in the night; living my dream was far from sight." There was a scene in the movie where Eric asks Debbie "Why didn't you tell him that you saw him (the alien)?" She says, "Because no one would believe me." Elvis has become a mythic figure, and there have been frequent rumors that he is still alive. Elvis remains the single most influential and respected figure in the history of Rock music. Elvis was the first Rock/Pop singer to have a single record sell a million copies, the first to go platinum with an album in less than two weeks, the first singer to pre-sell a million records before it's release, the first entertainer to earn a million dollars for one concert performance, and the first young, white, southern male to bring international attention to the importance of black rhythm and blues. He was the first singer to get a million dollar screen contract. He was the first music personality to have a TV performance broadcast worldwide via satellite. In 1993, he became the first rock'n'roll star whose picture appeared on a commemorative U.S. Postal stamp (the largest stamp printing in history). Elvis is a landmark in almost everyone's life, going back to distant memories of watching him above the waist on Ed Sullivan or hearing "Hound Dog" for the first time. His image continues to mesmerize: witness the appearance of 200 Elvis impersonators at Liberty Weekend in 1986. There was a time when he was merely the most popular entertainer in history. He is more than that now. He is a symbol of America as recognizable as the flag. Elvis opened the 'window of his soul' to his fans all over the world. Thank you, Elvis! Remember you are always on our minds. "TCB FOREVER! Any Comments on this ? E-mail Me i found this on the internet weird

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Licensee agrees to indemnify, defend, and hold Licensor and all of the directors, officers, shareholders, affiliates, employees, and agents of Licensor (collectively referred to as "Licensor’s Agents") harmless against and in respect to any and all claims, demands, losses, costs, expenses, obligations, liabilities, damages, recoveries, and deficiencies, including interest, penalties, expert witness fees, and reasonable attorneys' fees that Licensor, Licensor’s Agents and the companies that own or control the Third Party Software shall incur or suffer, which arise, result from, or in any way relate to: (a) any breach of, or failure by Licensee to perform any of the representations, warranties, covenants or agreements in this Agreement; (b) Licensee’s violation of any applicable law or regulation, whether or not referenced herein; and (c) Licensee’s violation of any rights of any third party (including, without limitation, the right of the third parties who own the Third Party Software). 10. USE OF INFORMATION; PRIVACY POLICY. 10.1 Use of Information. By entering into this Agreement, Licensee agrees that Licensor may collect and retain information about Licensee, including Licensee’s name and email address. Licensor may employ other companies and individuals to perform these functions on its behalf. Examples may include fulfilling orders, delivering packages, sending postal mail and e-mail, removing repetitive information from customer lists, analyzing data, providing marketing assistance and processing credit card payments. These third parties may be given access to personal information needed to perform their functions, but may not use it for other purposes. In addition, Licensor will collect and use anonymous information relating to your use of the Licensed Software application for statistical and related purposes. Licensor may disclose the information to third parties for these purposes but will not use or disclose information about your use of the Licensed Software for any other purpose (unless required to do so by law). Licensor may keep track of your Internet history in order to customize the advertisements provided to you as part of the Licensed Software. 10.2 Privacy Policy. Without limiting the generality of Section 10.1, by installing the Licensed Software, you grant permission for Licensor to collect and use certain information. You acknowledge that you have reviewed the applicable Licensor Privacy Policy, which describes Licensor’s general practices with respect to the collection, use and disclosure of information in connection with your Use of the Licensed Software, which is incorporated herein by reference. Licensor reserves the right to change the provisions of its Privacy Policy from time to time. Your Use of the Licensed Software following the posting of such changes to Licensor’s Privacy Policy will constitute your acceptance of any such changes. Licensor does not make any and hereby disclaims to the maximum extent allowed by law any and all covenants, representations and warranties with respect to its compliance with the statements of intent contained in Licensor's privacy policy. 11. COMPATIBILITY. Licensor does not warrant that the Licensed Software will be compatible with your hardware or other software installed on your computer system. Compatibility issues may cause your computer's performance to suffer. In the event that the Licensed Software is not compatible with your hardware or other software installed on your computer system, the Licensed Software can be uninstalled as provided in Section 7, above. Like all software, the Licensed Software utilizes some of your computer's resources to run, including system memory and Internet connection. Use of the Licensed Software on a computer with inadequate system resources will cause such computer's performance to suffer. 12. USER REPRESENTATIONS AND WARRANTIES. You acknowledge, represent and warrant that: (a) you own the computer on which you are installing the Licensed Software, or have the authority to install the Licensed Software on such computer; (b) your installation and/or Use of the Licensed Software will not violate any local, state or federal laws that apply to you, or the Use or installation of the Licensed Software; (c) Licensor is not causing the Licensed Software to be installed on your computer, but has provided the Licensed Software to you, which you are installing of your own volition; and (d) you have read and fully understand the terms of this Agreement. 13. EXPORT. You agree that the Licensed Software may not be acquired, shipped, transported, exported, or re-exported (A) into (or to a national or resident of) any U.S. embargoed country or (B) to anyone on the U.S. Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals or the U.S. Department of Commerce's Table of Denial Orders. By using the Licensed Software, you represent and warrant that you are not located in, under control of, or a national or resident of any such country or on any such list. 14. MISCELLANEOUS. 14.1 Entire Agreement. This Agreement and any Third Party Software Agreement set forth the entire understanding of the parties with respect to the subject matter hereof. There are no representations, warranties, agreements, arrangements or understandings, oral or written, between the parties relating to this Agreement which are not fully expressed in this Agreement. No waiver, amendment or modification of any of the terms of this Agreement shall be effective unless in writing and signed by the party affected by the waiver, amendment or modification; provided, however, that that Licensor may unilaterally amend or modify this Agreement or a company that owns or controls Third Party Software may modify their Third Party Software Agreement at any time and you shall have notice of these changes by reference to the Version number of this document and the effective date for such version (or the Third Party Software Agreement may be amended according to that company’s particular policies). Further, no waiver of any term, condition or default of any term of this Agreement shall be construed as a waiver of any other term, condition or default. In the event of a conflict between this Agreement and any Third Party Agreement with respect to the use of the Licensed Software and the obligations, duties or liability of Licensor, this Agreement shall control notwithstanding such conflicting language. 14.2 Severability. In the event that any provision of this Agreement is held by a court of competent jurisdiction to be unenforceable, the validity of the remaining provisions shall not be affected, and the rights and obligations of the parties shall be construed and enforced as if the Agreement did not contain the particular provisions held to be unenforceable and the unenforceable provisions shall be replaced by mutually acceptable provisions which, being valid, legal and enforceable, come closest to the intention of the parties underlying the invalid or unenforceable provision. 14.3 Governing Law and Venue. This Agreement and each and every portion of this Agreement shall be interpreted pursuant to the internal laws of the Country of Costa Rica, without giving effect to the principles of conflict of laws. Each of the parties hereby irrevocably and unconditionally agrees to the exclusive jurisdiction of any court located in Cost Rica for any actions, suits or proceedings arising out of or relating to this Agreement (and the parties each agree not to commence any action, suit or proceeding relating thereto except in such courts and not to plead or claim that any such court is an inconvenient or otherwise improper or inappropriate forum). 14.4 Injunctive Relief. Licensee acknowledges that the injury that would be suffered by Licensor as a result of a breach of the provisions of this Agreement by Licensee would be irreparable and that an award of monetary damages to Licensor for such a breach would be an inadequate remedy. Consequently, Licensor will have the right, in addition to any other rights it may have, to obtain injunctive relief to restrain any breach or threatened breach or otherwise to specifically enforce any provision of this Agreement, and Licensor will not be obligated to post bond or other security in seeking such relief Should you have any questions concerning this Agreement, or if you wish to contact Licensor for any reason, please e-mail us at dcads.biz <sendto:info@dcads.biz>. SuperiorAds.Biz - (If applicable)* Version 2.1 (June 27, 2007) END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT NOTE TO USER: BEFORE YOU INSTALL, COPY OR OTHERWISE USE THE LICENSED SOFTWARE (AS DEFINED BELOW), CAREFULLY READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT AS WELL AS THE OTHER SIMILAR AGREEMENTS FOR THE THIRD PARTY SOFTWARE (AS DEFINED BELOW) THAT MAY BE BUNDLED WITH THE LICENSED SOFTWARE. BY INSTALLING, COPYING OR OTHERWISE USING THE LICENSED SOFTWARE, YOU ARE CONSENTING TO BE BOUND BY AND ARE BECOMING A PARTY TO THIS LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE AGREEMENT AS WELL AS THE OTHER SIMILAR THIRD PARTY SOFTWARE AGREEMENTS (INCLUDED HEREWITH). YOU ARE ALSO ACKNOWLEDING AND AGREEING THAT, UPON INSTALLATION OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE, YOU WILL RECEIVE AND CONTINUE TO RECEIVE CONTEXTUAL POPUP AND CONTEXTUAL LINK ADVERTISING VIA HIGHLIGHTED LINKS. YOU MAY ALSO CHOOSE TO INSTALL (OR UNINSTALL) THIRD-PARTY SOFTWARE FROM SELECT ADVERTISERS. THE LICENSED SOFTWARE CAN BE UNINSTALLED UTILIZING THE “ADD/REMOVE PROGRAMS” COMMAND OF YOUR COMPUTER (SEE FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS BELOW). This End-User License Agreement (the “Agreement”) is an important legal agreement between you (the “Licensee”) and Danube International inc., a Costa Rican corporation (“Licensor”). Licensor is willing to license the Licensed Software (as defined below) to you, provided that you agree to and accept all of the terms and conditions in this Agreement. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO ALL THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS SET FORTH IN THIS AGREEMENT, DO NOT INSTALL THE LICENSED SOFTWARE. UPON INSTALLATION, YOUR USE OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE IS SUBJECT TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS SET FORTH IN THIS AGREEMENT. Special Notice for Non-English Speakers: The Licensed Software is suited primarily for the use of English speakers and, therefore, this Agreement is written in English and is addressed to English speakers. If you are not proficient in English and feel that you cannot properly understand this License Agreement, we recommend that you either retain the help of an English speaker to help you understand and accept the terms of this Agreement or, alternatively, refrain from installing or using the Licensed Software. In any event, if you choose to install or use the Licensed Software, you will be bound by this Agreement and the Privacy Policy incorporated herein. Special Notice for Residents of the State of Alaska, USA: Unfortunately, according to SB 140 (Alaska), persons who reside in the State of Alaska may not install the Licensed Software. Therefore, by installing or using the Licensed Software you represent and warrant that your computer is not located in the State of Alaska. To the extent that our system is reasonably able to recognize that your computer is located in the State of Alaska, we will not enable you to install the Licensed Software. Notice for All Users: By downloading the Licensed Software, you get free access to sponsored content across the Internet. The Licensed Software may, among other things, show you ads that pop up on your screen in a separate browser, provide you with a toolbar to make your use of the internet more efficient and enjoyable and allow you to access or otherwise link to programs from our affiliates. The pop-up ads that may appear on your computer are based on keywords and URL targets from the sites you visit. Please note that you will receive Adult-oriented ads if you utilize keywords related to such content or if you view Adult-oriented websites. The Licensed Software is a service of Licensor. 1. DEFINITIONS. The capitalized terms used but not otherwise defined in this Agreement shall have the following meanings: 1.1 “Agreement” or “License” means this End User License Agreement. 1.2 “Licensee” or “you” means the individual who agrees to license the Licensed Software in accordance with the terms and conditions of this Agreement. 1.3 “Licensed Software” means collectively the Software, Third Party Software and Updates. 1.4 “Third Party Software” means the software of third parties bundled together with the Software and/or made available to or installed by Licensee in connection with the installation, use and/or maintenance of the Software, which software includes or displays, without limitation, cookies and pop-up advertisements of third parties, or links to third-party websites not affiliated with Licensor. You may choose not to install Third Party Software or may uninstall such software using your “Add/Remove Software” function on your computer. Each company providing Third Party Software has its own agreements and privacy policies (or other policies) that may be different from this (Licensor’s) Agreement and Privacy Policy . By clicking “I Agree” you also agree to be bound by the Third Party Software Agreements that are included herewith. In the event of a conflict between a Third Party Software Agreement and this Agreement, this Agreement shall control with respect to Licensor’s obligations, duties or liability. 1.5 “Software” toolbar, contextual popup and contextual link applications installed by Licensee pursuant the terms of this Agreement, together with the software applications, documentation and local computer files installed or utilized by Licensee in connection therewith (excluding the Third Party Software), and all updates, modifications or patches thereof. 1.6 “Updates” means any bug fixes, upgrades, modified versions or updates to the Licensed Software. 1.7 "Use”, "Used" or "Using" means to access, install, download, copy or benefit from using the functionality of the Licensed Software 2. PERMISSION/AUTHORITY TO DOWNLOAD LICENSED SOFTWARE 2.1 Permission to Download Licensed Software. This Agreement contains important legal obligations. Pursuant to applicable laws including, without limitation, the Electronic Signature Law and Uniform Electronic Transactions Act (“UETA”), by clicking “I Agree”, Licensor will treat Licensee’s affirmative action as equivalent to a signed written contract that will legally bind Licensee to the terms of this Agreement. Licensee should carefully review the terms of this Agreement (as well as any Third Party Software Agreements included herewith) before clicking “I agree”. 2.2 Obligation to be Bound by Current Version of EULA. Licensor may revise this EULA or its Privacy Policy at anytime, and may (but shall not be obligated) to notify Licensees of such revisions. By agreeing to the terms of this EULA, Licensee agrees to read and review this EULA and privacy policy in order to stay current on any changes. 3. SOFTWARE LICENSE AND RESTRICTIONS. 3.1 License Grant. Upon acceptance of the terms and conditions of this Agreement, as evidenced by clicking “I agree” and continuing with the installation procedure, Licensor grants Licensee a non-transferable, non-exclusive, revocable, non-sub licensable license to Use the Licensed Software, in binary executable form only, solely in accordance with the terms and conditions set forth in this Agreement. The Licensee agrees not to Use the Licensed Software in any manner that could damage, disable, overburden or impair the Licensed Software, including, without limitation, Using the Licensed Software in an automated manner or in any other manner which could interfere with any other party's use and enjoyment of the Licensed Software. 3.2 Restrictions. As a material condition to the license granted in Section 3.1 above, you will: (a) not reverse engineer, disassemble or decompile the Licensed Software or attempt to discover or recreate the source code to the Licensed Software, except as otherwise required by applicable law, (b) comply with all applicable laws, including U.S. export control laws, in your Use of the Licensed Software, (c) not make any modification, adaptation, improvement, enhancement, translation or derivative work of or to the Licensed Software, (d) not remove, alter or obscure any proprietary notices (including copy notices) of Licensor or Licensor’s affiliates in the Licensed Software, (e) not Use the Licensed Software for purposes for which it is not designed, and (f) only Use the Licensed Software for personal, non-commercial use. 4. OWNER OF COMPUTER; ALL USERS BOUND; AGE LIMITATION. You represent and warrant either that you are the owner of the computer up which you intend to download the Licensed Software and that you have authorized the download and installation of the Licensed Software or that the owner of the computer has authorized you to do so. You agree, with respect to all users of the computer on which you have caused the Licensed Software to reside, to provide a copy of these terms and conditions and to obtain their consent to these terms and conditions before allowing them to Use the Licensed Software. Alternatively, if you have the legal right to accept this Agreement on behalf of one or more users of the computer on which you have caused or authorized the Licensed Software to reside, then you hereby accept this Agreement on behalf of all such other users. You understand that the presence of the Licensed Software on any computer is voluntary and that you may remove it at any time. You must be at least 18 years of age to Use the Licensed Software. By accepting the terms of this Agreement and Using the Licensed Software you represent that you are over the age of 18. 5. IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING FUNCTIONALITY OF LICENSED SOFTWARE. 5.1 Functionality. Certain applications in the Licensed Software recognize keywords from your Internet browser and URL targets from the sites you visit to display relevant contextual advertisements. These advertisements may be displayed on your computer screen at any time while you are searching and shopping online (and not necessarily while you are using any product or service related to or downloaded with the Licensed Software) and pop-up on your screen in a separate browser. The Licensed Software gathers and stores personal identifiable information and records concerning your Internet browsing behavior. Please refer to Section 10 (below) for further information about Licensor’s privacy policies. 5.2. Display of Advertising. The Licensed Software starts automatically when you start your computer, runs in the background on your computer, and may periodically direct you to our sponsors' websites. By installing and/or using the Licensed Software you grant permission for Licensor to periodically display sponsors' websites to you. The frequency of these advertisements (which will pop up on your screen in a separate browser) will vary depending on your use of the Internet. Please note that you will receive Adult-oriented ads if you utilize keywords related to such content or if you view Adult-oriented websites. On occasion, you may search for a website and receive an error from your browser software indicating that the site cannot be found. When this occurs, the Software includes a function that may redirect your web browser to our sponsor's websites based on the content of the website address, or URL, which you entered. You hereby consent to these actions. Content Licensor considers “Adult” is defined as any audio, video, audiovisual, images, sounds or text that contain or reference any of the following: profanity, crude or off-color humor, violence, blood and gore, weapons, use of alcohol, drugs, tobacco or other controlled substances, online gambling, pornography, erotica, erotic images, nudity, sex, sexually explicit images, and sexual references. 6. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS. The Licensed Software is the intellectual property of, and owned exclusively by, Licensor, its affiliates or suppliers or the companies that own or control the Third Party Software. The structure, organization and code of the Licensed Software are the valuable trade secrets and confidential information of Licensor, its suppliers or affiliates or the companies that own or control the Third Party Software. The Licensed Software is protected by copyright, including without limitation by United States copyright law, international treaty provisions and applicable laws in the country in which it is being used. Except as expressly stated herein, this Agreement does not grant you any intellectual property rights in the Licensed Software, and all rights not expressly granted are reserved by Licensor and its affiliates or suppliers. 7. UNINSTALLATION. You understand and agree that the presence of the Licensed Software on your computer is voluntary and that you may remove the Licensed Software from your computer at any time going to the “Add/Remove Software” function on your computer and clicking “Remove Software”. The program name for the software is Browser Optimizer SuperiorAds. Should you choose to download additional software from Licensor’s affiliates or advertisers, those programs may be named differently and require you to remove them separately. Please note that the above is the only proper way to ensure complete removal of all Licensed Software files - many anti-spyware or other software tools do not completely or properly remove the Licensed Software. Some Internet content and software publishers require that their users have certain of the Licensed Software installed on their computer in order to access their content or use their software applications ("Content Providers"). Uninstallation of such Licensed Software may impact your ability to access such content and/or use such software. You may be required to restart your computer in order for the uninstallation to take effect. Should you have any questions regarding the removal of the Licensed Software, please contact removal@dcads.biz or removal@rightonads.biz. 8. UPDATES. Licensor, in its sole discretion, may provide you with Updates to the Licensed Software as part of this Agreement. The Licensed Software may check with Licensor or its affiliates for the existence of any Update released and, in the event that one is available, the Licensed Software may update itself automatically or prompt you to update the Software. Nothing herein shall be construed or interpreted as requiring that Licensor provide Updates. The companies that own or control the Third Party Software may also provide you with Updates to their Licensed Software. Licensor has no control and accepts no liability for Updates that may (or may not) be provided for the Third Party Software. 9. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES AND REMEDIES; INDEMNITY. 9.1 No Warranty; Disclaimer. YOUR USE OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK. THE LICENSED SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS. LICENSOR, ITS AFFILIATES OR SUPPLIERS, AND THE COMPANIES THAT OWN OR CONTROL THE THIRD PARTY SOFTWARE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. LICENSOR, AND ITS AFFILIATES AND SUPPLIERS, MAKE NO WARRANTY THAT (i) THE LICENSED SOFTWARE WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, (ii) THE LICENSED SOFTWARE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, (iii) THE RESULTS THAT MAY BE OBTAINED FROM THE USE OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE WILL BE ACCURATE OR RELIABLE, (iv) THE QUALITY OF ANY PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, OR OTHER MATERIAL PURCHASED OR OBTAINED BY YOU THROUGH THE LICENSED SOFTWARE WILL MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS, OR (v) ANY ERRORS IN THE LICENSED SOFTWARE WILL BE CORRECTED. ANY MATERIAL DOWNLOADED OR OTHERWISE OBTAINED THROUGH THE USE OF THE LICENSED SOFTWARE IS OBTAINED AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND RISK AND YOU WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO YOUR COMPUTER SYSTEM OR LOSS OF DATA THAT RESULTS FROM THE DOWNLOAD OF ANY SUCH MATERIAL. NO ADVICE OR INFORMATION, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, OBTAINED BY YOU FROM LICENSOR OR THROUGH OR FROM THE LICENSED SOFTWARE SHALL CREATE ANY WARRANTY. LICENSOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT HOSTED BY CONTENT PROVIDERS. 9.2 Limitation of Damages. LICENSOR, ITS AFFILIATES OR SUPPLIERS, OR THE COMPANIES THAT OWN OR CONTROL THE THIRD PARTY SOFTWARE WILL NOT HAVE ANY LIABILITY FOR, AND YOU HEREBY RELEASE LICENSOR, ITS AFFILIATES AND SUPPLIERS AND THE COMPANIES THAT OWN OR CONTROL THE THIRD PARTY SOFTWARE FROM ANY, LIABILITY (WHETHER IN CONTRACT, WARRANTY, TORT, NEGLIGENCE OR OTHERWISE) FOR ANY DAMAGES SUSTAINED BY YOU ARISING FROM THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE LICENSED SOFTWARE, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OR LOSS OF DATA, SAVINGS, OR PROFITS OR THE COST OF PROCURING SUBSTITUTE GOODS, EVEN IF LICENSOR HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. IN NO EVENT WILL LICENSOR’S ENTIRE LIABILITY ARISING OUT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH THIS AGREEMENT EXCEED $100.00. SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF CERTAIN WARRANTIES OR THE LIMITATION OR EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. ACCORDINGLY, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. 9.3 Indemnity. Licensee agrees to indemnify, defend, and hold Licensor and all of the directors, officers, shareholders, affiliates, employees, and agents of Licensor (collectively referred to as "Licensor’s Agents") harmless against and in respect to any and all claims, demands, losses, costs, expenses, obligations, liabilities, damages, recoveries, and deficiencies, including interest, penalties, expert witness fees, and reasonable attorneys' fees that Licensor, Licensor’s Agents and the companies that own or control the Third Party Software shall incur or suffer, which arise, result from, or in any way relate to: (a) any breach of, or failure by Licensee to perform any of the representations, warranties, covenants or agreements in this Agreement; (b) Licensee’s violation of any applicable law or regulation, whether or not referenced herein; and (c) Licensee’s violation of any rights of any third party (including, without limitation, the right of the third parties who own the Third Party Software). 10. USE OF INFORMATION; PRIVACY POLICY. 10.1 Use of Information. By entering into this Agreement, Licensee agrees that Licensor may collect and retain information about Licensee, including Licensee’s name and email address. Licensor may employ other companies and individuals to perform these functions on its behalf. Examples may include fulfilling orders, delivering packages, sending postal mail and e-mail, removing repetitive information from customer lists, analyzing data, providing marketing assistance and processing credit card payments. These third parties may be given access to personal information needed to perform their functions, but may not use it for other purposes. In addition, Licensor will collect and use anonymous information relating to your use of the Licensed Software application for statistical and related purposes. Licensor may disclose the information to third parties for these purposes but will not use or disclose information about your use of the Licensed Software for any other purpose (unless required to do so by law). Licensor may keep track of your Internet history in order to customize the advertisements provided to you as part of the Licensed Software. 10.2 Privacy Policy. Without limiting the generality of Section 10.1, by installing the Licensed Software, you grant permission for Licensor to collect and use certain information. You acknowledge that you have reviewed the applicable Licensor Privacy Policy, which describes Licensor’s general practices with respect to the collection, use and disclosure of information in connection with your Use of the Licensed Software, which is incorporated herein by reference. Licensor reserves the right to change the provisions of its Privacy Policy from time to time. Your Use of the Licensed Software following the posting of such changes to Licensor’s Privacy Policy will constitute your acceptance of any such changes. Licensor does not make any and hereby disclaims to the maximum extent allowed by law any and all covenants, representations and warranties with respect to its compliance with the statements of intent contained in Licensor's privacy policy. 11. COMPATIBILITY. Licensor does not warrant that the Licensed Software will be compatible with your hardware or other software installed on your computer system. Compatibility issues may cause your computer's performance to suffer. In the event that the Licensed Software is not compatible with your hardware or other software installed on your computer system, the Licensed Software can be uninstalled as provided in Section 7, above. Like all software, the Licensed Software utilizes some of your computer's resources to run, including system memory and Internet connection. Use of the Licensed Software on a computer with inadequate system resources will cause such computer's performance to suffer. 12. USER REPRESENTATIONS AND WARRANTIES. You acknowledge, represent and warrant that: (a) you own the computer on which you are installing the Licensed Software, or have the authority to install the Licensed Software on such computer; (b) your installation and/or Use of the Licensed Software will not violate any local, state or federal laws that apply to you, or the Use or installation of the Licensed Software; (c) Licensor is not causing the Licensed Software to be installed on your computer, but has provided the Licensed Software to you, which you are installing of your own volition; and (d) you have read and fully understand the terms of this Agreement. 13. EXPORT. You agree that the Licensed Software may not be acquired, shipped, transported, exported, or re-exported (A) into (or to a national or resident of) any U.S. embargoed country or (B) to anyone on the U.S. Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals or the U.S. Department of Commerce's Table of Denial Orders. By using the Licensed Software, you represent and warrant that you are not located in, under control of, or a national or resident of any such country or on any such list. 14. MISCELLANEOUS. 14.1 Entire Agreement. This Agreement and any Third Party Software Agreement set forth the entire understanding of the parties with respect to the subject matter hereof. There are no representations, warranties, agreements, arrangements or understandings, oral or written, between the parties relating to this Agreement which are not fully expressed in this Agreement. No waiver, amendment or modification of any of the terms of this Agreement shall be effective unless in writing and signed by the party affected by the waiver, amendment or modification; provided, however, that that Licensor may unilaterally amend or modify this Agreement or a company that owns or controls Third Party Software may modify their Third Party Software Agreement at any time and you shall have notice of these changes by reference to the Version number of this document and the effective date for such version (or the Third Party Software Agreement may be amended according to that company’s particular policies). Further, no waiver of any term, condition or default of any term of this Agreement shall be construed as a waiver of any other term, condition or default. In the event of a conflict between this Agreement and any Third Party Agreement with respect to the use of the Licensed Software and the obligations, duties or liability of Licensor, this Agreement shall control notwithstanding such conflicting language. 14.2 Severability. In the event that any provision of this Agreement is held by a court of competent jurisdiction to be unenforceable, the validity of the remaining provisions shall not be affected, and the rights and obligations of the parties shall be construed and enforced as if the Agreement did not contain the particular provisions held to be unenforceable and the unenforceable provisions shall be replaced by mutually acceptable provisions which, being valid, legal and enforceable, come closest to the intention of the parties underlying the invalid or unenforceable provision. 14.3 Governing Law and Venue. This Agreement and each and every portion of this Agreement shall be interpreted pursuant to the internal laws of the Country of Costa Rica, without giving effect to the principles of conflict of laws. Each of the parties hereby irrevocably and unconditionally agrees to the exclusive jurisdiction of any court located in Cost Rica for any actions, suits or proceedings arising out of or relating to this Agreement (and the parties each agree not to commence any action, suit or proceeding relating thereto except in such courts and not to plead or claim that any such court is an inconvenient or otherwise improper or inappropriate forum). 14.4 Injunctive Relief. Licensee acknowledges that the injury that would be suffered by Licensor as a result of a breach of the provisions of this Agreement by Licensee would be irreparable and that an award of monetary damages to Licensor for such a breach would be an inadequate remedy. Consequently, Licensor will have the right, in addition to any other rights it may have, to obtain injunctive relief to restrain any breach or threatened breach or otherwise to specifically enforce any provision of this Agreement, and Licensor will not be obligated to post bond or other security in seeking such relief. Should you have any questions concerning this Agreement, or if you wish to contact Licensor for any reason, please e-mail us at info@dcads.biz or info@superiorads.biz. webHancer Customer Companion - (If applicable)* Terms and Conditions of Installing the webHancer Customer Companion (the "Software"). IMPORTANT NOTICE: THIS SOFTWARE RELAYS YOUR WEB SURFING PERFORMANCE METRICS TO WEBHANCER CORP. TO GENERATE PERFORMANCE REPORTS FOR THIRD PARTIES. AS SUCH, YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION WILL BE USED PERIODICALLY TO SEND AND RECEIVE DATA. WE RESPECT OUR CUSTOMERS PRIVACY. THE WEBHANCER PRIVACY POLICY (available at: http://www.webhancer.com/privacy) FORMS PART OF THIS AGREEMENT. BY AGREEING TO THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, YOU ALSO CONSENT TO THE TERMS OF THE WEBHANCER PRIVACY POLICY, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, THE COLLECTION, USE AND DISCLOSURE OF INFORMATION AS SET OUT THEREIN. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THE WEBHANCER PRIVACY POLICY, DO NOT INSTALL THIS SOFTWARE. THIS SOFTWARE SUPPORTS WINDOWS 98/2000/ME/XP and WINDOWS NT 4.0 Service Pack 4 and higher (EXCLUDING WINDOWS TERMINAL SERVER AND WINDOWS 2000 WITH TERMINAL SERVICES ENABLED). THIS IS A LICENSE, NOT A SALE. THIS END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT ("AGREEMENT") IS A LEGAL CONTRACT BETWEEN YOU AND WEBHANCER CORP. ("WEBHANCER") FOR THE CUSTOMER COMPANION SOFTWARE (THE 'SOFTWARE'). THIS SOFTWARE WILL MAKE USE OF YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY AND ALL NETWORK USAGE COSTS OR ANY OTHER COSTS ASSOCIATED WITH YOUR USE OF THE SOFTWARE. BY DOWNLOADING, INSTALLING OR USING THE SOFTWARE YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS, UNINSTALL, AND DO NOT USE THE SOFTWARE. WEBHANCER grants to you a non-exclusive, non-transferable and restricted license to use the Software on a single computer for your internal use, subject to the terms and conditions of this Agreement. You may make and distribute unlimited copies of the Software, excluding copies for commercial distribution, as long as each copy that you distribute is distributed subject to this agreement.

Would my boyfriend like this Christmas Present? My boyfriend and I are both 15. We've been dateing for 7 months now, and for christmas i'm getting him a framed picture of us(he's always saying we don't have any), purdey's chocolate, a t-shirt, and this letter type thing. do you think he'll like it? 100 reasons why I love you. 1. You can always make me smile. 2. You care . 3. You're the sweetest guy ever. 4. You bring out the best in me. 5. You're respectful. 6. I can be the weirdest girl you've ever seen, but you still love me. 7. You're smile is enough to make my day. 8. The smirk you have on your face when you sleep. 9. I feel completly safe in your arms 10. You know me inside, and out. 11. I know you inside and out. 12. You'll always be there for me. 13. You keep your promises. 14. The way you say 'I love you' makes my heart sing. 15. The way we stay on the phone for hours, even if we don't say much. 16. I always want to be with you, and when i'm not, I want you with me. 17. The way you act like a little kid. 18. You always hold me close. 19. You tell your friends about me. 20. You call me beautiful. 21. I can tell you anything at all. 22. The way you keep me warm. 23. You've taught me what it is to love and to be loved. 24. I get lost in your big puppy dog eyes. 25. You call me bella. 26. You say I wuv you. 27. Falling asleep and waking up with you is the best feeling in the world. 28. Just seeing you and knowing you're there makes everything okay. 29. You're determined. 30. You're very protective of me. 31. You treat my brother and sister like your own. 32. I dream about you every night. 33. You tell me you love me every day. 34. You have a forgiving heart. 35. You're romantic. 36. You think I look beautiful even without make-up. 37. You make me feel like a princess. 38. You want to spend every minute with me. 39. You take care of me. 40. You say the cutest and sweetest things. 41. You have a good sense of humor. 42. You're really smart. 43. You're affectionate. 44. You get along with my friends. 45. You smell good. 46. You can finish my sentences. 47. You're rebellious. 48. You know my stength's and weaknesses. 49. You need help cooking Kraft Dinner. 50. I love laying on you're bare chest and hearing your heart beat. 51. I still get butterflies when I kiss you. 52. We fit perfectly into eachother's arms. 53. I love your height. 54. You demand respect, but you're not controlling. 55. We never fight. 56. You sing to me. 57. We plan our future together. 58. You put me before yourself. 59. The way you hold my hands. 60. My heart skips a beat when you kiss me. 61. Your pet names for me. 62. You know when something's wrong. 63. Our cute-sy arguments. 64. You push me to do my best. 65. The way you talk to your kitties. 66. You don't watch sports! 67. You don't drink or smoke and you don't want me to. 68. Your sweet-tooth 69. You've corrupted my innocent mind! But it's okay. 70. Your tattoo idea is wicked. 71. Your kisses. 72. You give me massages when I don't ask. 73. You're stubborn, in a cute way. 74. I completly trust you. 75. Your goofiness. 76. You always want me to be myself, and get annoyed if i'm not. 77. The way you say talk to me in spanish. 78. You stay up with me until I fall asleep. 79. The way you wake me up with a kiss. 80. You can remember every little bit of a conversation we have. 81. You help me deal with my problems. 82. You keep me happy. 83. The way you sigh. 84. You'll watch Chick-flicks and disney movies with me. 85. You can finish a whole pizza, cheesey-bread, a huge thing of root beer. 86. You can chug a huge glass of milk in 3 seconds. 87. MANGO'S! 88. You tickle me. 89. You can't dance, but i'm gonna teach you. 90. You're all mine. 91. You comfort me when I cry. 92. You're not afraid to sound mushy. 93. We cling to eachother and you always want me closer. 94. You get so into your video games. 95. You dont let go of me for the entire scary movie. 96. Your curly hair 97. You're opinionated. 98. We can never be mad at eachother. 99. You make me feel like a princess, and you're my prince. 100. You're my soul mate.

If i was like this, would you ever date me (i am a guy)? i have acne i like play sports, but only if its with 5+ unless its a 2 player sport (tennis) im somewhat poor i am not skinny but nor really fat i am smart at math but stink at english i can get emotional and i am sensitive i follow directions in class and do what im told if some tells me to do something wrong ill disagree to it i have respect for people i have a sense of humor, but i can get serious at times i can make people laugh, i like to act also i enjoy magic tricks and video games the most i keep my body clean but not so much for my room i enjoy nature i am not spoiled and understand it takes time for things my eyes are blue, i am 5 ft 7 dirty blonde short hair 15 years of age i am shy to new people, but the opposite to my friends i have a very big immagination sorry if this is long i just want to see if any girl wouldn't mind dating a guy like this

Do you wanna hear a long joke? A joke is a short story or series of words spoken or communicated with the intent of being laughed at or found humorous by either listener/reader or performer/writer. A practical joke differs in that the humor is not verbal, but mainly physical (e.g. throwing a custard pie in the direction of somebody's face). Some jokes are not funny. Jokes are performed either in a staged situation, such as a comedy in front of an audience, or informally for the entertainment of participants and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter, although loud groans are also a common response to some forms of jokes, such as puns and shaggy dog stories. Why we laugh has been the subject of serious academic study, examples being: Immanuel Kant, in Critique of Judgement (1790) states that "Laughter is an effect that arises if a tense expectation is transformed into nothing." Here is Kant's two hundred and seventeen year old joke and his analysis: "An Indian at an Englishman's table in Surat saw a bottle of ale being opened, and all the beer, turned to froth, rushed out. The Indian, by repeated exclamations, showed his great amazement. - Well, what's so amazing in that? asked the Englishman. - Oh, but I'm not amazed at its coming out, replied the Indian, but how you managed to get it all in. - This makes us laugh, and it gives us a hearty pleasure. This is not because, say, we think we are smarter than this ignorant man, nor are we laughing at anything else here that it is our liking and that we noticed through our understanding. It is rather that we had a tense expectation that suddenly vanished..." Henri Bergson, in his book Le rire (Laughter, 1901), suggests that laughter evolved to make social life possible for human beings. Sigmund Freud's "Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious". Arthur Koestler, in The Act of Creation (1964), analyzes humor and compares it to other creative activities, such as literature and science. Marvin Minsky in Society of Mind (1986). Marvin Minsky suggests that laughter has a specific function related to the human brain. In his opinion jokes and laughter are mechanisms for the brain to learn nonsense. For that reason, he argues, jokes are usually not as funny when you hear them repeatedly. Edward de Bono in "The Mechanism of the Mind" (1969) and "I am Right, You are Wrong" (1990). Edward de Bono suggests that the mind is a pattern-matching machine, and that it works by recognizing stories and behavior and putting them into familiar patterns. When a familiar connection is disrupted and an alternative unexpected new link is made in the brain via a different route than expected, then laughter occurs as the new connection is made. This theory explains a lot about jokes. For example: Why jokes are only funny the first time they are told: once they are told the pattern is already there, so there can be no new connections, and so no laughter. Why jokes have an elaborate and often repetitive set up: The repetition establishes the familiar pattern in the brain. A common method used in jokes is to tell almost the same story twice and then deliver the punch line the third time the story is told. The first two tellings of the story evoke a familiar pattern in the brain, thus priming the brain for the punch line. Why jokes often rely on stereotypes: the use of a stereotype links to familiar expected behavior, thus saving time in the set-up. Why jokes are variants on well-known stories (eg the genie and a lamp): This again saves time in the set up and establishes a familiar pattern. In 2002, Richard Wiseman conducted a study intended to discover the world's funniest joke [1]. Laughter, the intended human reaction to jokes, is healthful in moderation, uses the stomach muscles, and releases endorphins, natural happiness-inducing chemicals, into the bloodstream. One of the most complete and informative books on different types of jokes and how to tell them is Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor (1971), which encompasses several broad categories of humor, and gives useful tips on how to tell them, whom to tell them to, and ways to change the joke to fit one's audience. [edit] Rules The rules of humor are analogous to those of poetry, as said the French philosopher Henri Bergson: "In every wit there is something of a poet"[1](In this essay Bergson viewed the essence of humour as the encrustation of the mechanical upon the living. He used as an instance a book by an English humorist, in which an elderly woman who desired a reputation as a philanthropist provided "homes within easy hail of her mansion for the conversion of atheists who have been specially manufactured for her, so to speak, and for a number of honest folk who have been made into drunkards so that she may cure them of their failing, etc." This idea seems funny because a genuine impulse of charity as a living, vital impulse has become encrusted by a mechanical conception of how it should manifest itself.) These common rules are mainly: precision, synthesis and rhythm. Speed also plays a role, such as enhancing the laugh effect. As Mack Sennett showed in his works, the more frantic the funnier. [edit] Exactness To reach exactness, the comedian must choose the words in order to obtain a vivid, perfectly in focus image, and to avoid being generic (that drives the audience confused, and results in no laugh); to properly arrange the words in the sentence is also crucial to get exactness. An example by Woody Allen (from Side Effects, "A Giant Step for Mankind" story [2]): “ Grasping the mouse firmly by the tail, I snapped it like a small whip, and the morsel of cheese came loose. ” [edit] Synthesis As Shakespeare said in Hamlet, "Brevity is the soul of wit"[2]. That means that a joke is best when it expresses the maximum meaning with a minimal number of words; this is today considered one of the key technical elements of a joke. An example from Woody Allen: “ I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. ” Though, the familiarity of the pattern of "brevity" has lead to numerous examples of jokes where the very length is itself the pattern breaking "punchline". Numerous examples from Monty Python exist, for instance, the song "I Like Traffic Lights", and more modernly, Family Guy contains numerous such examples, most notably, in the episode Wasted Talent where Peter Griffin bangs his shin, a classic slapstick trope, and holds his shin whilst exhaling and inhaling to quiet the pain. This goes on for considerably longer than expected. This joke is repeated again in the fourth season in the episode Brian Goes Back to College when Peter is dressed as John "Hannibal" Smith from The A-Team. [edit] Rhythm Main articles: Timing (linguistics) and Comic timing The joke content (meaning) is not what provokes the laugh, it just makes the salience of the joke and provokes a smile. What makes us laugh is the joke mechanism. Milton Berle demonstrated this with a classic theatre experiment in the 1950s: if during a series of jokes you insert phrases that are not jokes, but with the same rhythm, the audience laughs anyway. A classic is the ternary rhythm, with three beats: introduction, premise, antithesis (with the antithesis being the punch line). In regards to the Milton Berle experiment, they can be taken to demonstrate the concept of "breaking context" or "breaking the pattern". It isn't necessarily the Rhythm that caused the audience to laugh, but the disparity between the expectation of a "joke" and being instead given a non-sequitur "normal phrase." This normal phrase is, itself, unexpected, and is a kind of punchline. [edit] Conclusions When a technically-good joke is referred changing it with paraphrasing, it is not laughable anymore; this is because the paraphrase, changing some term or moving it within the sentence, breaks the joke mechanism (its vividness, brevity and rhythm), and its power and effectiveness are lost. Douglas Adams described sentences where the joke word is the final word as "comically weighted." This saves the "payoff" until the last possible moment, allowing the expectation for surprise to reach its highest point, while the mind is more firmly rooted in the pattern established by the rest of the sentence. [citation needed] [edit] Why do we laugh (model of appreciation) No satisfactory theory of laughter that explains why humans laugh has yet gained wide acceptance. Some of the prominent explanations (that is a humor appreciation model) comes from part of the ideas contained in the psychology essay Jokes and their Relation to the Unconscious, by Sigmund Freud (1905) [3]. According to Freud's operational description, we laugh when the unconscious energy emerges to reach the conscious mind; and it reaches it unexpectedly thanks to the techniques used by the comedian. This exceeding energy is rapidly discharged in the form of laughter. Freud distinguishes three fields: the comic, the wit, and the humor. [edit] Comic In the comic field plays the 'economy of ideative expenditure'; in other words excessive energy is wasted or action-essential energy is saved. The profound meaning of a comic gag or a comic joke is "I'm a child"; the comic deals with the clumsy body of the child. Laurel and Hardy are a classic example. An individual laughs because he recognizes the child that is in himself. In clowns stumbling is a childish tempo. In the comic, the visual gags may be translated into a joke. For example in Side Effects (By Destiny Denied story) by Woody Allen: “ "My father used to wear loafers," she confessed. "Both on the same foot". ” The typical comic technique is the disproportion. [edit] Wit In the wit field plays the "economy of censorship expenditure"[3](Freud literally calls it "the economy of psychic expenditure".); usually censorship prevents some 'dangerous ideas' from reaching the conscious mind, or helps us avoid saying everything that comes to mind; adversely, the wit circumvents the censorship and brings up those ideas. Different wit techniques allow one to express them in a funny way. The profound meaning behind a wit joke is "I have dangerous ideas". An example from Woody Allen: “ I contemplated suicide again - this time by inhaling next to an insurance salesman. ” Wit is a branch of rhetoric, and there are about 200 techniques (technically they are called tropes, a particular kind of figure of speech) that can be used to make jokes[4]. Irony can be seen as belonging to this field. [edit] Humor In the comedy field, humor induces an "economized expenditure of emotion" (Freud literally calls it "economy of affect" or "economy of sympathy". Freud produced this final part of his interpretation many years later, in a paper later supplemented to the book.).[3][5] In other words, the joke erases an emotion that should be felt about an event, making us insensitive to it. The profound meaning of the void feel of a humor joke is "I'm a cynic". An example from Woody Allen: “ Three times I've been mistaken for Robert Redford. Each time by a blind person. ” This field of jokes is still a grey area, being mostly unexplored. Extensive use of this kind of humor can be found in the work of British satirist Chris Morris, like the sketches of the Jam television program. Black humor and sarcasm belong to this field. [edit] Cycles Folklorists, in particular (but not exclusively) those who study the folklore of the United States, collect jokes into joke cycles. A cycle is a collection of jokes with a particular theme or a particular "script". (That is, it is a literature cycle.)[6] Folklorists have identified several such cycles: the elephant joke cycle that began in 1962 the Helen Keller Joke Cycle that comprises jokes about Helen Keller[7] viola jokes[8] the NASA, Challenger, or Space Shuttle Joke Cycle that comprises jokes relating to the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster[9][10][11] the Chernobyl Joke Cycle that comprises jokes relating to the Chernobyl disaster[12] the Polish Pope Joke Cycle that comprises jokes relating to Pope John Paul II[13] the Essex girl and the Stupid Irish joke cycles in the United Kingdom[14] the Dead Baby Joke Cycle[15] the Newfie Joke Cycle that comprises jokes made by Canadians about Newfoundlanders[16] the Little Willie Joke Cycle, and the Quadriplegic Joke Cycle[17] the Jew Joke Cycle and the Polack Joke Cycle[18] the Rastus and Liza Joke Cycle, which Dundes describes as "the most vicious and widespread white anti-Negro joke cycle"[19] the Radio Erevan (or Yerevan) Joke Cycle, which satirizes Radio Yerevan as offering naive or stupid answers to questions from its listeners, answers that often satirize Communism, Marxism, Socialism, Russian society, or Russian institutions[20] the Jewish American Princess (or JAP) Joke Cycle that appeared in the late 1970s, comprising jokes about a JAP who is "vain, pampered, spoiled, sexually manipulative, materialistic, bossy, uncultured, loud, overdressed and bedecked with jewels, a bubble-head, a younger version of the Jewish wife, and spoiled by a doting father"[21] Gruner discusses several "sick joke" cycles that occurred upon events surrounding Gary Hart, Natalie Wood, Vic Morrow, Jim Bakker, Richard Pryor, and Michael Jackson, noting how several jokes were recycled from one cycle to the next. For example: A joke about Vic Morrow ("We now know that Vic Morrow had dandruff: they found his head and shoulders in the bushes") was subsequently recycled and applied to the crew of the Challenger space shuttle ("How do we know that Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach.").[22] Berger asserts that "whenever there is a popular joke cycle, there generally is some widespread kind of social and cultural anxiety, lingering below the surface, that the joke cycle helps people deal with".[23] [edit] Types of jokes Jokes often depend on the humor of the unexpected, the mildly taboo (which can include the distasteful or socially improper), or playing off stereotypes and other cultural beliefs. Many jokes fit into more than one category. [edit] Subjects Political jokes are usually a form of satire. They generally concern politicians and heads of state, but may also cover the absurdities of a country's political situation. Two large categories of this type of jokes exist. The first one makes fun of a negative attitude to political opponents or to politicians in general. The second one makes fun of political clichés, mottos, catch phrases or simply blunders of politicians. Some, especially the you have two cows genre, derive humor from comparing different political systems. Professional humor includes caricatured portrayals of certain professions such as lawyers, and in-jokes told by professionals to each other. Mathematical jokes are a form of in-joke, generally designed to be understandable only by insiders. Ethnic jokes exploit ethnic stereotypes. They are often racist and frequently considered offensive. For example, the British tell jokes starting "An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman..." which exploit the supposed parsimony of the Scot, stupidity of the Irish, or some combination. The British find humor in poking fun at any race, including their own, although this statement is a gross generalisation. Such jokes exist among numerous peoples. Additionally, many cultures have Black jokes, which exploit the supposed stupidity and/or supposed incompetence of people of African descent. Racially offensive humor is increasingly unacceptable, but there are similar jokes based on other stereotypes such as blonde jokes. Religious jokes fall into several categories: Jokes based on stereotypes associated with people of religion (e.g. nun jokes, priest jokes, or rabbi jokes) Jokes on classical religious subjects: crucifixion, Adam and Eve, St. Peter at The Gates, etc. Jokes that collide different religious denominations: "A rabbi, a medicine man, and a pastor went fishing..." Letters and addresses to God. Self-deprecating or self-effacing humor is superficially similar to racial and stereotype jokes, but involves the targets laughing at themselves. It is said to maintain a sense of perspective and to be powerful in defusing confrontations. Probably the best-known and most common example is Jewish humor. The egalitarian tradition was strong among the Jewish communities of Eastern Europe in which the powerful were often mocked subtly. Prominent members of the community were kidded during social gatherings, part a good-natured tradition of humor as a leveling device. A similar situation exists in the Scandinavian "Ole and Lena" joke. Self-deprecating humor has also been used by politicians, who recognize its ability to acknowledge controversial issues and steal the punch of criticism - for example, when Abraham Lincoln was accused of being two-faced he replied, "If I had two faces, do you think this is the one I’d be wearing?". Dirty jokes are based on taboo, often sexual, content or vocabulary. Many dirty jokes are also sexist. Other taboos are challenged by sick jokes and gallows humor; to joke about disability is considered in this group. Surrealist or minimalist jokes exploit semantic inconsistency, for example: Q: What's red and invisible? A: No tomatoes.. Anti Jokes are jokes that aren't funny in normal sense, and often can be decidedly unfunny, but rely on absurdity, surrealism and abstractness of the joke or situation to provide entertainment. An elephant joke is a joke, almost always a riddle or conundrum and often a sequence of connected riddles, that involves an elephant. [edit] Styles The question / answer joke, sometimes posed as a common riddle, has a supposedly straight question and an answer which is twisted for humorous effect; puns are often employed. Of this type are knock-knock joke, lightbulb joke, the many variations on "why did the chicken cross the road?", and the class of "What's the difference between..." joke, where the punch line is often a pun or a spoonerism linking two apparently entirely unconnected concepts. Some jokes require a double act, where one respondent (usually the straight man) can be relied on to give the correct response to the person telling the joke. This is more common in performance than informal joke-telling. A shaggy dog story is an extremely long and involved joke with a weak or completely nonexistent punchline. The humor lies in building up the audience's anticipation and then letting them down completely. The longer the story can continue without the audience realising it is a joke, and not a serious anecdote, the more successful it is. Shaggy jokes appear to date from the 1930s, although there are several competing variants for the "original" shaggy dog story. According to one, an advertisement is placed in a newspaper, searching for the shaggiest dog in the world. The teller of the joke then relates the story of the search for the shaggiest dog in extreme and exaggerated detail (flying around the world, climbing mountains, fending off sabre-toothed tigers, etc); a good teller will be able to stretch the story out to over half an hour. When the winning dog is finally presented, the advertiser takes a look at the dog and states: "I don't think he's so shaggy"Comedy has a classical meaning (comical theatre) and a popular one (the use of humour with an intent to provoke laughter in general). In the theater, its Western origins are in ancient Greece, like tragedy, a genre characterised by a grave fall from grace by a protagonist having high social standing. Comedy, in contrast, portrays a conflict or agon (Classical Greek ἀγών) between a young hero and an older authority, a confrontation described by Northrop Frye as a struggle between a "society of youth" and a "society of the old". A more recent development is to regard this struggle as a mere pretext for disguise, a comical device centered on uncertainties regarding the meaning of social identity. The basis of comedy would then be a plot mechanism conceived to engender misunderstandings either about a hero's identity or about social being in general. [1] Returning to the popular term comedy, it is known to be difficult to describe. Humor being subjective, one may or may not find something humorous because it is either too offensive or not offensive enough. Comedy is judged according to a person’s taste. Some enjoy cerebral fare such as irony or black comedy; others may prefer scatological humor (e.g. the "fart joke") or slapstick. A common gender stereotype that plays on this convention is that men love the comedy of The Three Stooges, while women do not.[citation needed] While hard to pin down, it can safely be said that most good comedy, as with a good joke, contains within it variations on the elements of surprise, incongruity, conflict, and the effect of opposite expectations. The audience becomes a part of the experience, if it is to be successful. Sometimes, it is the fulfillment of the expectation which is part of the experience, such as the long "take" of a Jack Benny, resolved, paradoxically, when the expected happens. Comedy is a serious business, and one only knows it when one sees it or hears it. Comedy is the term applied to theatrical dramas, the chief object of which are to amuse. It is contrasted on the one hand with tragedy and on the other with farce, burlesque, and so on. As compared with tragedy, it is distinguished by having a (the comedies). [edit] Derivation The word "comedy" is derived from the Classical Greek κωμῳδία, which is a compound either of κῶμος (revel) or κώμη (village) and ᾠδή (singing): it is possible that κῶμος itself is derived from κώμη, and originally meant a village revel. In ancient Greece, comedy seems to have originated in bawdy and ribald songs or recitations apropos of fertility festivals or gatherings, or also in poking fun at other people or stereotypes.[2] Aristotle, in his Poetics, tells us the same: that comedy originated in Phallic songs and the light treatment of the otherwise base and ugly. He also adds that the origins of comedy are obscure because it was not treated seriously.[3] P.W. Buckham writes that "the lighter sort of Iambic became Comic poets, the graver became Tragic instead of Heroic".[4] The word comes into modern usage through the Latin comoedia and Italian commedia. It has passed through various shades of meaning. In the middle ages it meant simply a story with a happy ending. Thus some of Chaucer's tales are called comedies, and in this sense Dante used the term in the title of his poem, La Commedia (cf. his Epistola X., in which he speaks of the comic style as "loqutio vulgaris, in qua et mulierculae communicant"; again "comoedia vero remisse et humiliter"; "differt a tragoedia per hoc, quod t. in principio est admirabilis et quieta, in fine sive exitu est foetida et horribilis"). Subsequently the term is applied to mystery plays with a happy ending. The modern usage combines this sense with that in which Renaissance scholars applied it to the ancient comedies. The adjective "comic" (Greek κωμικός), which strictly means that which relates to comedy, is in modern usage generally confined to the sense of "laughter-provoking": it is distinguished from "humorous" or "witty" inasmuch as it is applied to an incident or remark which provokes spontaneous laughter without a special mental effort. The phenomena connected with laughter and that which provokes it, the comic, have been carefully investigated by psychologists, in contrast with other phenomena connected with the emotions. It is very generally agreed that the predominating characteristics are incongruity or contrast in the object, and shock or emotional seizure on the part of the subject. It has also been held that the feeling of superiority is an essential, if not the essential, factor: thus Hobbes speaks of laughter as a "sudden glory." Physiological explanations have been given by Kant, Spencer and Darwin. Modern investigators have paid much attention to the origin both of laughter and of smiling, the development of the "play instinct" and its emotional expression. Comedy has a classical meaning (comical theatre) and a popular one (the use of humour with an intent to provoke laughter in general). In the theater, its Western origins are in ancient Greece, like tragedy, a genre characterised by a grave fall from grace by a protagonist having high social standing. Humour (also spelled humor) is the ability or quality of people, objects, or situations to evoke feelings of amusement in other people. The term encompasses a form of entertainment or human communication which evokes such feelings, or which makes people laugh or feel happy. The origin of the term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which stated that a mix of fluids known as humours (Greek: χυμός, chymos, literally: juice or sap, metaphorically: flavour) controlled human health and emotion. A sense of humour is the ability to experience humour, a quality which all people share, although the extent to which an individual will personally find something humorous depends on a host of absolute and relative variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, and context. For example, young children (of any background) particularly favour slapstick, such as Punch and Judy puppet shows. Satire may rely more on understanding the target of the humour, and thus tends to appeal to more mature audiences. Figure of speech Humorous triple and paraprosdokian Enthymeme Syllepsis (zeugma) Hyperbole Understatement Inherently funny words with sounds that make them amusing in the language of delivery Irony, where a statement or situation implies both a superficial and a concealed meaning which are at odds with each other. Joke Adages, often in the form of paradox "laws" of nature, such as Murphy's law or lemon law Stereotyping, such as blonde jokes, lawyer jokes, racial jokes, viola jokes. Sick Jokes, arousing humour through grotesque, violent or exceptionally cruel scenarios. Soldiers in the field of battle often use 'trench humour' to keep morale up in appalling circumstances. Riddle Word play Oxymoron Pun Non-verbal Bathos Exaggerated or unexpected gestures and movements Character driven, deriving humour from the way characters act in specific situations, without punchlines. Exemplified by The Larry Sanders Show and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Clash of context humour, such "fish out of water" Comic sounds Deliberate ambiguity and confusion with reality, often performed by Andy Kaufman Unintentional humour, that is, making people laugh without intending to (as with Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space) Funny pictures: Photos or drawings/caricatures that are intentionally or unintentionally humorous. Sight gags Visual humour[citation needed]: Similar to the sight gag, but encompassing narrative in theatre or comics, or on film or video. Understanding humour Some claim that humour cannot or should not be explained. Author E. B. White once said that "Humour can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind." However, attempts to do just that have been made. The term "humour" as formerly applied in comedy, referred to the interpretation of the sublime and the ridiculous. In this context, humour is often a subjective experience as it depends on a special mood or perspective from its audience to be effective. Arthur Schopenhauer lamented the misuse of the term (the German loanword from English) to mean any type of comedy. Language is an approximation of thoughts through symbolic manipulation, and the gap between the expectations inherent in those symbols and the breaking of those expectations leads to laughter (This is true for many emotions, and is not limited to laughter)[citation needed]. Irony is explicitly this form of comedy, whereas slapstick takes more passive social norms relating to physicality and plays with them[citation needed]. In other words, comedy is a sign of a 'bug' in the symbolic make-up of language, as well as a self-correcting mechanism for such bugs[citation needed]. Once the problem in meaning has been described through a joke, people immediately begin correcting their impressions of the symbols that have been mocked. This is one explanation why jokes are often funny only when told the first time. Another explanation is that humour frequently contains an unexpected, often sudden, shift in perspective. Nearly anything can be the object of this perspective twist. This, however, does not explain why people being humiliated and verbally abused, without it being unexpected or a shift in perspective, is considered funny - ref. The Office. Another explanation is that the essence of humour lies in two ingredients; the relevance factor and the surprise factor. First, something familiar (or relevant) to the audience is presented. (However, the relevant situation may be so familiar to the audience that it doesn't always have to be presented, as occurs in absurd humour, for example). From there, they may think they know the natural follow-through thoughts or conclusion. The next principal ingredient is the presentation of something different from the audience's expectations, or else the natural result of interpreting the original situation in a different, less common way (see twist or surprise factor). For example: “ A man speaks to his doctor after an operation. He says, "Doc, now that the surgery is done, will I be able to play the piano?" The doctor replies, "Of course!" The man says, "Good, because I couldn't before!" ” The Simpsons is noted for using this technique many times to evoke humour. Former show runner David Mirkin often refers to it as the “screw-you-audience” joke. A prime example is in the episode "And Maggie Makes Three", wherein Patty and Selma are about to expose the secret of Marge's pregnancy: Selma: (Looking at the very beginning of the phonebook) "Hi Mr. Aaronson, I'd like to inform you that Marge Simpson is pregnant." Selma: (Looking exhausted at the very end of the phonebook) "Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zackowski. There! Aaronson and Zackowski are the town's biggest gossips. Within an hour, everyone will know. Both explanations can be put under the general heading of "failed expectations". In language, or a situation with a relevance factor, or even a sublime setting, an audience has a certain expectation. If these expectations fail in a way that has some credulity, humour results. It has been postulated that the laughter/feel good element of humour is a biological function that helps one deal with the new, expanded point of view: a lawyer thinks differently than a priest or rabbi (below), a banana peel on the floor could be dangerous. This is why some link of credulity is important rather than any random line being a punchline. For this reason, many jokes work in threes. For instance, a class of jokes exists beginning with the formulaic line "A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer are sitting in a bar..." (or close variations on this). Typically, the priest will make a remark, the rabbi will continue in the same vein, and then the lawyer will make a third point that forms a sharp break from the established pattern, but nonetheless forms a logical (or at least stereotypical) response. Example of a variation: “ A gardener, an architect, and a lawyer are discussing which of their vocations is the most ancient. The gardener comments, "My vocation goes back to the Garden of Eden, when God told Adam to tend the garden." The architect comments, "My vocation goes back to the creation, when God created the world itself from primordial chaos." They both look curiously at the lawyer, who asks, "And who do you think created the primordial chaos?" ” In this vein of thought, knowing a punch line in advance, or some situation which would spoil the delivery of the punchline, can destroy the surprise factor, and in turn destroy the entertainment value or amusement the joke may have otherwise provided. Conversely, a person previously holding the same unexpected conclusions or secret perspectives as a comedian could derive amusement from hearing those same thoughts expressed and elaborated. That there is commonality, unity of thought, and an ability to openly analyse and express these (where secrecy and inhibited exploration was previously thought necessary) can be both the relevance and the surprise factors in these situations. This phenomenon explains much of the success of comedians who deal with same-gender and same-culture audiences on gender conflicts and cultural topics, respectively. Notable studies of humour have come from the pens of Aristotle in The Poetics (Part V) and of Schopenhauer. There also exist linguistic and psycholinguistic studies of humour, irony, parody and pretence. Prominent theoreticians in this field include Raymond Gibbs, Herbert Clark, Michael Billig, Willibald Ruch, Victor Raskin, Eliot Oring, and Salvatore Attardo. Although many writers have emphasised the positive or cathartic effects of humour some, notably Billig, have emphasised the potential of humour for cruelty and its involvement with social control and regulation. A number of science fiction writers have explored the theory of humour. In Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein proposes that humour comes from pain, and that laughter is a mechanism to keep us from crying. Isaac Asimov, on the other hand, proposes (in his first jokebook, Treasury of Humor) that the essence of humour is anticlimax: an abrupt change in point of view, in which trivial matters are suddenly elevated in importance above those that would normally be far more important. Approaches to a general theory of humour have generally referred to analogy or some kind of analogical process of mapping structure from one domain of experience onto another. An early precursor of this approach would be Arthur Koestler, who identified humour as one of three areas of human creativity (science and art being the other two) that use structure mapping (then termed "bisociation" by Koestler) to create novel meanings[1]. Tony Veale, who is taking a more formalised computational approach than Koestler did, has written on the role of metaphor and metonymy in humour[2][3][4], using inspiration from Koestler as well as from Dedre Gentner´s theory of structure-mapping, George Lakoff´s and Mark Johnson´s theory of conceptual metaphor and Mark Turner´s and Gilles Fauconnier´s theory of conceptual blending. Humour evolution As any form of art, humour techniques evolve through time. Perception of humour varies greatly among social demographics and indeed from person to person. Throughout history comedy has been used as a form of entertainment all over the world, whether in the courts of the kings or the villages of the far east. Both a social etiquette and a certain intelligence can be displayed through forms of wit and sarcasm.18th-century German author Georg Lichtenberg said that "the more you know humour, the more you become demanding in fineness". Humour formula This article or section does not cite its references or sources. Please help improve this article by introducing appropriate citations. (help, get involved!) This article has been tagged since October 2006. Root components: some surprise/misdirection, contradiction, ambiguity or paradox. appealing to feelings or to emotions. similar to reality, but not real Methods: metaphor hyperbole reframing timing Rowan Atkinson explains in his lecture Funny Business, that an object or a person can become funny in three different ways. They are: By being in an unusual place By behaving in an unusual way By being the wrong size Most sight gags fit into one or more of these categories. Humour is also sometimes described as an ingredient in spiritual life. Some Masters have added it to their teachings in various forms. A famous figure in spiritual humour is the laughing Buddha, who would answer all questions with a laugh

For the girls! Would you find a guy with this description to be awesome/attractive? He's 18 yrs old: 1)He plays the drums very well and is in a band. 2) He's really into Parkour and Free running (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jquXcwooV6A&feature=fvw if you want to see wat parkour looks like) The man in the video is David belle. The creator of parkour. 3) Hes really good at drawing fantasy art and sci fi art. Just good old pencil and paper. 4) He's involved in Mixed martial arts (MMA) 5) Hes into Indie, Punk/punk rock, hard rock, some forms of Metal, and ironically...... classical piano. 6) He loves history/war history, sci fi, apologetics, and military matters 7) Hes obsessed with becoming a flyboy in the Navy 8) On campus...he's supposedly a heart throb....(at least according to his friends). But he doubts it. 9) He's confident, bold, adventurous, brave, witty, clever, and amuses everyone with his speech and unique sense of humor. 10) his face is like a mixture of different nationalities like european/american asian-ish....but his name is Pierre. Sorry ladies, I don't have a pic.... so waddya think? omgg..i never said it was ME

is ir true that.....? 1) Girls like it when you fiddle with their hair. 2) They like it when guys flirt with them. 3) Girls overreact. 4) Girls hate it when you talk about your ex- girlfriends. 5) Girls tend to make there boyfriend jealous by hanging out with his best buds. 6) Girls love it when a guy gives them roses. 7) Girls like to be hugged more than kissed. 8) Romantic movies influence their romance life. 9) Girls hate guys who chew with their mouth open. 10) The most important things girls look for in a guy's appearance are; his nails, neck. 11) They like it when guys kiss their hands. 12) Girls like guys who talk. 13) Girls love it when a guy just calls to say he loves her. 14) When a girl likes you she'll keep on touching your arm while talking. 15) Girls don't like emotional guys. 16) Never tell a girl she's overweight. :D:D 17) They look for a guy with a great personality and sense of humor rather than a guy with good looks. 18) Girls like strong guys. 19) Girls like romantic surprises. 20) Girls hate guys who smoke, but not all of them. 21)A guy MUST be a gentleman; the type who would pull the chair out for her to sit, get up when she comes to sit or leave the table, open the door for her, etc... 22) Girls love tall guys. 23) Girls like the smell of guys after shave. 24) When a guy doesn't tell a girl not to do this and that, she thinks he doesn't love her, but when he does she gets pissed!! :S 25) Girls don't like guys who chew gum. 26) They like it when you fight for them. 27) Girls like jealous guys. 28) Girls hate guys who talk about themselves a lot. 29) Girls are VERY moody!! 30) Girls don't like guys who keep on mocking them for fun. 31) When a girl knows that a guy likes her she ignore him, but when he ignores her she runs after him. 31) Girls don't like guys who take a long time to get dressed. 32) Never tell a girl that she doesn't get you. 33) Girls like it when a guy compliments her. 34) In some cases girls treat guys in a bad way when they like the guy. 35) A guy loves a girl more than a girl loves a guy. 36) A girl likes it when a guy notices the new things in her appearance. 37) Girls forgive only once. 38) Girls hate guys who use bad language a lot. 39) Girls get jealous from her boy friend, female friends. 40) Girls hate it when she talks to a guy on the phone and he starts talking to people around him, or starts laughing for no reason. :D:D:D 41) Girls hate stingy guys. 42) They hate it when guys keep on talking about their problems all the time. 43) Never tell a girl a secret. 44) Girls are attracted by the smell of guys perfume. 45) Girls hate it when they're made fun of, in the presences of others. 46) Don't irritate the girl to heat up. Because she will. 47) Never tell a girl that her outfit doesn't suit her. 48) Girls talk a lot about the guy she likes. 49) A girl might love one but like a 1000000!! 50) Never keep a girl waiting. But wait for her. 51) A girl will never tell a guy she likes him. 52) Apologize to a girl even when she's wrong. 53) Never open a girl's bag. :D :D ;) 54) Girls ask a guys opinion about how she looks but not a girl. 55) If a girl finds a guy who cares about her more than you do, she'll forget about you. :S :S :( 56) Girls hate guys who never keep their promise. NOTE:" take care" 57) A girl keeps on thinking about the guy she loves even if she's with brad pitt!! 58) They try to make guys jealous, to care about them. 59) Girls like to cook for the one they love. 60) Girls act delicate in front of guys. 61) Girls like to play video games!! 62) Girls hate it when a guy keeps on touching them. 63) Girls hate it when guys don't take them seriously. 64) When a girl is teased by a guy she likes, she'll punch his shoulder. 65) Girls like to gossip. 66) Girls hate it when a guy stares. 67) Never tell a girl she looks tired. 68) When a girl is over stressed, she cries. 69) Girls hate guys who have a weak personality and easily led. 70) Girls have problems with handling criticism. 71) Never give a girl a teddy bear as a gift, unless it's her 4th birthday. 72) Girls hate guys who act important. 73) Girls are more intelligent and tricky than guys, so don't under estimate them. 74) Don't think when a girl talks to you a lot it means she loves you. 75) Girls hate it when guys talk about disgusting things, especially things to do with the bathroom. :D :D 76) Girls hate guys who think they know everything. 77) Guys should know the difference between no ,yes, and forget it. 78) If you ever hurt a girls feelings FORGET about getting her back again. 78) Girls love shopping. 79) Girls hate guys who lie. "take care of this 1 guys"!!! 80) Girls need their own space. 81) Girls take a long time to get dressed. 82) Girls don't like guys who show their love in a sticky way. 83) A girl trusts the guy she loves 100%, but if he broke this trust and she forgives him, she'll never trusts him as she used to. 84) By the

Please convince me that my life is worth living.? I don't think I'm really considering suicide; just joking to myself about it. But I am really sad. 1. I have not a friend in the world, and whenever I try to talk to anyone, I end up saying something ridiculously stupid, and feel worse than if I had not tried at all. I always try to make jokes, but I don't have any sense of humor at all. 2. I am very thin, extremely pale, and have pretty bad posture. I have a hideous smile, so whenever I am tempted to laugh, I either look like an idiot trying to stifle it, or muffle my face in a sweater or something. I am ashamed of the way I look, so being seen by others is a torture on its own. 3. The one thing that seems to give me purpose is my academic life; I am currently the valedictorian of my high school. However, by observing my peers, I have determined that I am not smarter than any of them, and that anybody could do as well as I, if they were as pitifully devoted as I. 4. I'm almost certain that if I died, nobody would feel especially bad about it. 5. I was feeling pretty miserable when I got home from school today, so, joking to myself, I typed a google search for "how to hang yourself." This eventually led me to an irrelevant memorial youtube video of someone named Marie Webber, who had died. I thought, being as miserable as I am, it was my right to express frustration at the world. I created another account on youtube expressly for this purpose. When I was about to vent some hatred on this poor corpse Marie Webber, and on the person who desecrated her memory by posting it online, I read a comment which told everyone to ignore "heartless" people who say meaninglessly cruel things, and that, in the end, they would meet with the fate they deserved. Needless to say, I was very upset; what fate could possibly be worse than that which is already upon me? I am loved by no one, therefore I love no one. It seemed still more heartless than anything I would have done, to label me as a cruel person, without knowing the circumstances which have led me to be as I am. Still, I sunk a little more deeply into despair when, reflecting on this comment, I realized that no one would ever show me sympathy. I was already unrespectable and unlovable, now I am not even pitiable? 6. Speech. I am afraid to talk because of what I might say or how I may sound. 7. I compare myself to every idiotic, repulsive, or desperate person I see. 8. My dream is to become a writer: either a novelist or a poet. Sometimes I actually feel good about it, like I actually have a chance of succeeding. But most of the time, like now, I feel absolutely worthless and incapable of accomplishing anything. 9. I have no athletic ability, though I guess that's not very important. Just to get another point, yaknow. No social, intellectual, artistic, or athletic ability. (Sorry about poor organization; when I started numbering my points, I had planned on doing a PERSIAn chart, essay-thesis-thing, but it got out of control, and I started jotting down relatively trivial ideas.) So, yeah, someone try to cheer me up. Please. I'm begging you.

Do you have a favorite hymn? Video included inside.? Mine just might be this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-ZnPE3G_YY Disclaimer: This question and posting was not intended to harm or offend anyone. It is merely a representation of my sense of humor. No animals were harmed in the asking of this question.